Victor's Grill II

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Location & Curb Appeal: Brian P.

Although lacking any aesthetic appeal to random passersby, Tommy’s Acura found physical curb appeal as his bumper scraped against it upon our arrival at Victor’s Grill II. Located on Lee Highway (see map) in the same shopping strip as El Tio and not far from Bubba’s, the Thurber party found themselves repeat victims of the all-too-familiar Salvadorean/Argentinian combo. The only thing to attract hungry locals is a large, red, neon sign amidst other neon signs in the same strip of stores. If memory serves me correctly, a dry cleaners and some other “tienda” are Victor’s neighbors. However, it gets tough to keep track of these restaurants that have the uncanny ability to offer identical fare. Sorry, readers, not much to report on the obscurity of Victor’s. Perhaps the name of the restaurant is somewhat strange. We have also discovered, as many of these South American restaurants go, there is a common necessity to include some sort of dance floor no matter how small or large the space. Additionally, karaoke must be offered at least 3 nights a week.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Tommy

While trying to decide on what restaurant to go to, I selfishly suggested Victor’s Grill in the hopes that we would avoid a place with bad food. Now normally I’m not a believer in karma, but in this case I would be willing to entertain the idea of it. How else can you explain picking a restaurant with the title of “Grill”, in hopes of avoiding another blasé El Salvadorian restaurant, only to find that Victor’s “Grill” is actually just what you were hoping to avoid?

To be fair, the fried steak sandwich may not be their specialty, but if you want me to try your specialty, you can’t make it $28. This isn’t Ruth’s Chris Churrascaria. As such, I was relegated to the C-list of Victor’s menu (a hilarious menu, I might add). I can only assume that this menu was not done in MS Word, as the amount of red highlighting would’ve been impossible to miss or continue without spell-checking. As such, they had “chucks” of beef, both “Johnnie Walker” and “Jhonnie Walker”, as well as literally probably 30 other typos.

I chose the Milanese, or lightly fried steak sandwich. In a meat house, we knew Matt was going to have a rough time, and he opted for the salad and cheese/rice, which actually looked just like grits. Brobinson got the steak and cheese, or as I like to call it, “the poor man’s Milanese.” BP stepped out on this one, and flexed his gustatory muscles. He stepped up and ordered the Pique Macho, and macho it was. Chucks[sic] of beef, hot dogs (what?), tomatoes, and hot peppers, all arranged in a circle on the plate. I don’t even know what to say about this dish…you just read the description so you probably are thinking the same things I was. I have to give him credit, BP chose this dish on his own, it was not a blind “point at the menu and pick” type of deal. All in all, none of us could bring ourselves to pay Fogo de Chao prices in a Denny’s-like restaurant, so we may never know the true quality of Victor’s.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Matt

I left “Victor’s Grill II: The Churrascaria” (what it would be called if it were a movie sequel) with one thought weighing heavily on my mind – “How did I end up spending so much money on food like that? I can’t believe this has happened again.” Here’s the full list of what I ate at Victors: rice, cheese and salad. Now here’s the full price that I paid: $12. How/why is this possible?! Even my meat-eating cohorts suffered an inordinate blow to their pocketbooks at Victor’s, paying sizable amounts of money for food that didn’t quite measure up. Of course, I often get the feeling that we’re not ordering the best items on the menu at some of these places we visit and therefore are not experiencing the best of what they have to offer. But then again, at Victor’s, those “top notch” things cost $20, which is a lot of throw down if you don’t entirely trust the place from the very moment you walk in.

Victor’s II also seems to be scraping for any source of revenue that they can possibly muster up. For example, if you ordered more food than you can eat, you can have one to-go box for free, but any additional Styrofoam boxes will cost you 99 cents. At the register, they looked to be selling greeting cards and a few other knick knacks that might appeal to the occasional impulse buyer. Want a refill on that soft drink? Sure, as long as that means buying a whole new drink at full price. There was even a very ambiguous disclaimer written on the menu that said, “Prices may be changed without prior notice.” As in, after you receive the check? I guess their financial motto at Victor’s is “whatever it takes.” I’m just thankful our forks and spoons and the table we ate at were included with the cost of our meal.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Ambiance & Entertainment: Brian R.

The name Victor’s Grill was deceiving at best. What was by day a sparsely frequented restaurant turns popular dance club by night. Well, no I wasn’t there last Friday night, but judging from the disco ball and speakers on the wall it definitely has potential. I’m not saying you should cancel your weekend plans and expect to find Ricky Martin electrifying the dance floor, but the owner definitely did not skimp on TV’s or speakers. Nor is he looking to have any of those stolen, given they are being watched by six security cameras throughout the dining room.

Don’t let me raise your anticipation too much though. Just to wet your palette with a small example of Victor’s interior decorating efforts, our table was located perpendicular to a picture (see above) seemingly meant to be a 4x6, but transformed into a poster with stretched pixels of what most likely used to be a pig roasting on a fire with John Wayne looking on in the background. The bar, on the other hand, seemed like the only remnant of what used to be a five star restaurant. As for the rest? There wasn’t.

Potential for a romantic date? Not here.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Victor's Grill II

Overall Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Guest of Honor Review: David Garber

Victor's Grill, Roman Numeral 2, was among the most lackluster culinary experiences of my adult life. Imagine it with me: it's a "park in front" type of restaurant, which is never my first choice (something about the too-often characteristic charmlessness of worn out strip malls...), and is flanked by used car dealerships and a mega-graveyard. Inside is the church basement glare of fluorescent lights, two or three employees scurrying around the two (of thirty) occupied tables, and ivory-iridescent floral-theme wallpaper suited more for an unrenovated family dentistry lobby than anyplace I'd enthusiastically choose to eat. White floor, white walls, no less than 12 security cameras, and one lonely, silver (but glimmering with the metalic blink of every color in the South American meat-focused wall hangings) disco ball - a hint of the post-dinner crowd .. or is there one?

They didn't have plantains, which was pret-ty much the only thing I wanted, so I got yucca fries and a chicken and - surprise! - green olive pastry with what appeared to be a dash of red sharpy across it: demarking chicken as opposed to, say, beef or pork. Lick your lips appetizing.

In sum, dinner here was an experience worth having for this singular life lesson: trust your instincts - don't waste your time or your stuffed-in-jean-pockets greenbacks on the ol' Vic deux.

You could be the next Thurber Party of 4 Guest of Honor! Remember to enter the Guest of Honor Lottery at the bottom of this page for your chance to win.

Majestic Seafood

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Location/Curb Appeal: Tommy

To give the reader a little background on this trip, we knew that this wasn't going to be your standard, American restaurant. Upon calling to inquire about the hours for the restaurant, the woman answering the phone was unable to understand what I was asking ("How late are you open?") or responding. She handed me off to the person who tells English-speakers the general information for the establishment and we were off on our journey (it's open till 2am, for those of you who want to get there for the late bird specials).

For the trick to getting people to come to the restaurant/crab house, Majestic takes a page out of the playbook of Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Tunica. The brightest neon on Annandale strip, coupled with some out-of-the-ordinary sights for a seafood restaurant (neon-lit palm trees?), and you've got all of the ingredients for the best night club that West Falls Church has to offer. We had seen this spectacle many times before, and even got an up-close and personal look at it during our previous trip to La Granja de Oro (see past blog post), but like the saying goes, “almost only counts in horseshoes and incomplete tasks.” We parked in a prime spot, given that 5 out of 7 of the front spots were designated for the handicapped. The cops don't start policing the joint until about 10pm, so if you want to bring the whole family, I'd suggest you get there by NEVER o'clock. This place is easy to find and if you’re curious to see the inside of what looks like a Las Vegas warehouse…you’ll probably make the same mistake decision we did and head on inside.

Rating: 3 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Matt

Maybe it was all the Starbursts I ate a few hours before our dinner. Maybe it was the fact that we didn’t actually begin eating until about 9:15pm en la noche. Maybe it was all the chips that I snacked on before our orders were served (along with two types of salsa – one which was clearly Pace Picante straight out of the jar and the other which was clearly Tapatio hot sauce also straight out of the bottle). Maybe it was frustration over yet another restaurant with a complete lack of meatless options. In any case, I was not digging the food at Majestic.

Due to its vegetarian-unfriendliness, I resorted to ordering the “Ceviche Mixto,” a seafood dish with a mixto of shrimp, calamari, some kind of fish and (yikes) baby octopus. Eating something like this is a reach in itself for me, and my distaste for the food was intensified by the fact that everything felt and tasted like I was eating rubber. Incidentally, the ceviche was served with a huge piece of corn that was probably the strangest and grossest corn I have ever eaten. The reactions of my fellow diners ranged from mutual dissatisfaction to “It was alright.” Brian ordered some sort of fried chicken with fried eggs and French fries (a lot of fried stuff) that he quickly regretted. Tommy continued his tradition of ordering nachos any time they are available and found himself in the “It was alright” category. Kristin ordered fish, which she gave a similar rating. Mark was the lone happy diner with his “Lomo Saltado” (beef with vegetables – same as Brian ordered weeks ago at the neighboring La Granja de Oro). In an attempt to sabotage his pleasant meal, I stashed the head of one of my baby octopus in with his beef, but he did not seem phased by that rubbery addition. There may be good reasons to visit Majestic, but the food is most certainly not one of them.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Service/Cost: Mark

After corralling my plunder from the Depot for Homes, I darted over to the Majestic. For those of you still reading, you have no idea how hard it is to limit my review to just service and cost. Wow, this was a good night. I had no idea what I was in for. I really thought this was a family owned seafood restaurant, but to my suprise, our waitress didn't have a the tacky floral shirt, khaki shorts, and white keds. Rather, a Hooters® waitress from south of the border was tending to our party. I wasn't witness to our original waitress or to the person who eventually took our orders, so I can't really comment. According to the other thurbs, the original waitress was quickly swapped out due to a language barrier. The service throughout the evening comprised of the waitress asking us if we wanted refills(this was mainly done via pointing).

The price was on the steep side for the quanity/quality of food-not your traditional large plate mexican restaurant. Likewise, I never saw the prices for any of the entrees. I do know that I gave Tommy $15 dollars before I jetted for the evening, and I it was worth every penny.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Click below to check out an example of the Hispanic jams we were listening to:

Ambience & Entertainment: Brian

Where to begin!? Now that the reggaeton beat is engrained in your head, it is time to recount the sheer amazement that was Majestic. Living up to the its namesake, picture a dance floor that takes up the majority of the dining room. Red leather sofas and chairs line the side opposite the DJ’s station, and overhead, a rack of disco balls, laser lights, and smoke machines crowd the ceiling welcoming the night’s guests. Majestic’s atmosphere didn’t end there. Every corner of the establishment was filled with some aspect designed to entice or entertain. From the VIP bar nearest our table, to the corner bar, to the main bar, to the numerous flat screens displaying telenovelas on Univision, Majestic’s interior left no eye uncaught.

Although the restaurant was virtually empty upon our arrival, we soon discovered that Majestic became increasingly entertaining as the evening progressed. Towards the end of our meal, the aforementioned laser lights and smoke machines were brought to life as Latin grooves and hip hop beats filled the air. The cages on either side of the DJ’s booth left little to be imagined as to their use. Heavyset bouncers arrived and began screening potential customers. Amidst all of these attractions, the five of us enjoyed dancing at our table, eyeing the incoming patrons, and wondering just what would unfold could we stay a bit longer on this Monday summer night. Even if you never taste the food at Majestic, let the lighted palm trees along Annandale Road draw you inside for a closer look and don’t let the bouncers scare you off.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 2.375

Guest of Honor Review: Kristin Neal

Well, I had just about given up on these boys. Tommy, Matt, Brian, and Mark – the Thurbster Crew, as I like to call them. After all my sassy comments about the lottery for the past 15 weeks, I had sort of gotten over the whole thing. So when I got that text I’d be waiting for all summer, “YOU WON!!” I thought, “That’s cool, I guess.” Little did I know that the good Lord had a plan for me that would surpass all my expectations. Has anyone ever heard me talk about how I think I was actually supposed to be Latina but somehow came out as a redhead instead? Give me a little reggaeton or salsa beat and my day is made. And so, I knew it was going to be a fabulous evening when we stepped into Majestic and seemed to interrupt a steamy rumba lesson on the dance floor. So this is where all the fun has been hiding in Falls Church… lazer lights, VIP bars, amoeba/jellyfish floating around the walls (hard to explain), Cadillac Margaritas, glowing palm trees, heart-palpitating music, and not one ounce of English on the menu? Sounds like a vacation to me! I can’t decide what I liked best – the hot pink and black bra our waitress was wearing underneath her sheer white shirt or the little shimmy I was able to sneak in while crossing the dance floor on my way to the bathroom. Whoever said white girls can’t dance has never invited Kristin Neal to Majestic. Thanks Thurbster for the best night my summer has seen yet.

Remember to enter the lottery for the upcoming week! You've got to play to win...but sometimes, you have to win to play.

Las Americas

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Obscurity/Location/Curb Appeal: Matt

To find a place like Las Americas, you really have to be trying hard to uncover every restaurant in every hidden corner of Falls Church.  Fortunately, that’s exactly what “Thurber Party of 4” is doing.  We found Las Americas on a driving tour of Rt. 50 that eventually led us to anintersection at Graham Road.  We could easily focus our entire blog on this one intersection as it is home to about a hundred different restaurants, each with varying degrees of sketchiness and randomness.

Las Americas is tucked in a corner between a bustling supermercado, a large gas station and several other ethnic restaurants.  It pretty much cannot be seen from the highway that passes along side of it. Even from right outside of its front door, Las Americas is very unadorned and unassuming.  Simply a modest green awning, a bit of neon, and windows with the blinds pulled shut.  You might not think it was open if that neon didn’t tell you otherwise.  And you might not even think it was a restaurant if it didn’t specifically say so on the awning.  Take a few steps inside, though, and your whole world changes.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Food/Beverage: Anne Womack (Guest of Honor)

Seeing as how this was my third "Mexican" meal in three days, I felt as though I had a unique perspective coming into the evening.  That theme of "unique" proved to carry through the entire experience.  First came the chips and salsa.  The chips were very similar to the kind that come in a little-league ball park order of nachos.  You know the chip...yellow corn, various shapes, a bit stale.  These fine delicacies coupled with the half tomato paste/half imitation chipotle salsa (complete with chopped up onions sprinkled on top) provided for a wonderful beginning to our dining experience.

As for beverages, there were some "mixed drink" options, as well as domestic and imported beers.  However, there were no Margaritas to speak of, and the beer prices were a bit steep.  (And let's be honest, we may or may not have been a bit worried that the bartender might spike our drinks in order to ease our entrance onto the karaoke stage--see "ambiance.”)  So, we settled for water and soft drinks.

When our food arrived it seem seemed presentable.  Brian's "combinacion" platter, with chicken AND steak, came with rice and a half-carved avocado.  Both pieces of meat seemed edible and, as far as we know, Brian is still healthy this morning after eating them.  Matt ordered the "ensalada de verduras."  Along with various "verduras" this salad came with an interesting selection of cheese that slightly resembled tofu on top.  Matt might have had the worst luck of all of us with his meal were it not for his "papusa" side item. With a Mexican/Salvadoran drink of cinnamon and milk to wash it down, Matt's meal turned out to be "una mezcla perfecta!"  Tommy ordered the nachos, which may have been the safety-order of the evening.  They looked good and seemed to get good reviews from Tommy.  Finally, I had the "burrito del pollo."  This chicken burrito came full of grilled chicken and rice that could have been confused with fried rice. It lacked the normal brown color of Mexican rice but was enjoyable nonetheless.  The burrito was both tasty and filling.  Though this is not the cuisine I would choose on my Mexican/Salvadoran food quest, it wasn't bad at all.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Service/Cost: Brian

In the interest of honesty, I began the evening prepared to evaluate the cost and service of a different Falls Church Hispanic eatery called Taco Laredo.  But, due to it closing at 8pm and a late start by the Thurber boys and guest, we instead traveled to Las Americas…un gran sorpresa!!!

Las Americas’ all-female wait staff was prompt in greeting our party and was dressed inidentical rose-colored button up shirts complete with nametags.  I found this to be a bit more professional than other establishments we’d visited (cough…Brinkley’s…cough!).  Our waitress felt compelled to seat our party of four at the table nearest the evening’s entertainment, the karaoke machine and its blaring loud speakers.

The head seat of our table was occupied by the mini TV displaying the lyrics to numerous Latin American hits that, surprisingly enough, everyone in Las Americas knew by heart (minus our table).  Drink and entrée orders were taken quickly and correctly with several drink refills throughout the night.  However, Anne’s glass was refilled with water while still containing remnants of Diet Coke.  ¡Qué lástima!

The cost of our fare hovered near the prices of most other Hispanic establishments.  Our dishes ranged from 8 to 12 dollars and, for the money, taste and portion size were admirable.  ¡Qué ganga!  The staff was appreciative of our visit and the karaoke DJ made Tommy promise to return in exactly two weeks.  Seriously.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Ambiance/Entertainment: Tommy

After a long day of work, the last thing you want to see when you go out to a restaurant is a dropped-panel ceiling and more fluorescent lighting. But in case you just can’t get enough of both of these things, Las Americas (Spanish for “The Americas”) is just the place for you. The standard-issue office lighting, however, is spruced up significantly by the placement of sheets of translucent plastic with pictures of clouds on them. If you didn’t know any better, you might think you were outside and the weather was “cloudy, with a chance of radioactive-white lighting.”

The ambience of The Americas, however, was far more than just the walls and ceiling. All of us commented on the fact that this restaurant was about 10 times as loud as any other restaurant we’ve visited, although there were still only 2 other people in the restaurant with us. This feat was achieved through the national instrument of South America - the karaoke machine. With the “echo” level cranked to 11, the two ladies on the “entertainment wait staff” belted out hit after Spanish hit, urging…or, rather, forcing us to join in on the party. Matt and Brian took the first slot, belting out Hotel California and bringing the rest of the staff to their feet (although I didn’t check, they may have been standing before that point). Brian searched through the “library” of songs offered on the karaoke machine.  This handwritten list from the DJ featured all genres of music, including an extensive list from “The Beathes[sic]” with hits like “Lucy in the Sun,” “Across the with diamon,” “Here days nigest,” and “Hard Man.” After a few more hits de espanol, Brian and Anne sang a duet of Billy Joel’s classic, “The Longest Time,” with Anne bringing in the DJ for support and an extra boost of energy that carried them through the song.

The two other guests in the restaurant with us appeared to be regulars on The Americas’ karaoke circuit, with one crooning like a young Spanish Sinatra while the other drank Corona and yelled “Pero!” or “Perro!” at least 5 or 6 times during each song. My high school and college Spanish fails me quite often these days, but I am fairly sure that means either “But!” or “Dog!” Neither of these translations makes too much sense in context, but that doesn’t mean that it was any less entertaining. From the almost-bar to the karaoke smorgasbord to the blatant disregard for the Virginia smoking ban, Las Americas is the real deal.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Las Americas

Overall Rating: 2.875 Thurbs