El Tio Mexican Restaurant

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Location/Curb Appeal: Matt

We at Thurber Party of 4 like to take risks. We live life on the wild side and push it to the limit. So this week we boldly ventured into a new, untapped region of Greater Falls Church located along the westward reaches of Lee Highway just inside the Beltway. To get to El Tio from where we live, you must first pass an enormous graveyard. Spooky! However, if you come across the rolling hills of the mini-golf park, you’ve gone too far. Once you’ve arrived in the right location, you’ll find El Tio prominently situated in a strip mall surrounded by others businesses that I know absolutely nothing about (my personal favorite being “Unisex Hair Design”…what about that name will entice people to get a haircut there? It sounds more like a very unattractive type of hairstyle or at the very least the descriptive subtitle of a salon…but not the sole name of the establishment!). Whatever brave new ground we might have covered to get there, once we arrived we found ourselves back in very familiar territory with El Tio. Being from Texas, a restaurant that proudly declares itself as a “Tex-Mex Grill” is right in my wheelhouse. Even the colorful lettering and cartoon-ish cactus on the sign made me feel right at home. In short, the exterior of El Tio is bright, clean and welcoming, and it rightly gives you the sense that you know exactly what you’re getting into with a place like this.

Rating: 2.5 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Mark

I give my somewhat deep/shallow apologizes to our weekly readers. To those who find strength to make it through another grueling week by the consistency and fidelity of thurber party of 4, I am truly sorry.

The food was good. For those of you familiar with the mexican restaurants with 100 different combinatIons and liter sized beer mugs, the food was a solid nacho bove.

Also, I would have named the restaurant Mio tio. I know grammatically that doesn't make sense, but neither does calling your restaurant The Uncle. Rhyming is better.

Rating: 3.5 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Brian

Prior to our departure for El Tio Tex/Mex Restaurant, our guest of honor, Maggie Delahoyde, made the comment: “Do you think they’ll have chips and salsa?” I literally bet my life they would, and lucky for me, El Tio came through successfully. This would be the dominant theme of the night. In another rare turn of events, Thurber Party of 4 had the unique pleasure of visiting a Falls Church establishment that pleased everyone. Specifically, within the realm of service and cost, El Tio did not disappoint.

Upon entering a capacious dining room, the hostess greeted us and quickly pushed tables together to accommodate our party. As we all know, the speed at which those previously mentioned chips and salsa are delivered to your table is the litmus test for any Tex/Mex establishment. A +, El Tio. Additionally, our food and drink orders were taken and delivered promptly. Each person’s meal arrived hot and in quick succession.

Regarding cost, El Tio tends the favor the pricier side of similar restaurants. Our dishes were priced in the 12$ to $16 range. However, each platter served was of generous proportion and nice presentation. As I’ve stated in past reviews, El Tio falls under the rubric of “you get what you pay for.” But, in contrast to Taco Laredo, you can rest assured it will be money well spent.

Rating: 3.0 Thurbs

Ambience & Entertainment: Tommy

BP and I have often seen El Tio while on the way to satisfy a roast beef fix at Arby’s (I am not paid to mention them, no), and commented that we thought this would be a good place to take the blog. Well-kept exterior, clean interior, and a new-looking sign all point toward a place you’d want to visit even if you weren’t running the 16th most popular suburban town food blog in northern Virginia.

As I walked in the door, I immediately noticed a big open space to the right, which I would suspect is reserved for weekend nights and dancing. The large bar was more than enough for the 0 patrons seated there, and we found that all of the visitors had chosen the dining area instead. Walls were painted bright yellow, and an almost too friendly orange sun and moon watched over us as we ate our food. A huge painting from a scene from Siete Novias para Siete Hermanos adorned the wall (that’s a Spanish joke for you, look it up), with who we guess is “El Tio” smoking a cigarette and having way too many folds in his garment in the background. Matt’s iPhone readily identified the Spanish jams, kicked off by Los Tigres del Norte, and followed by other songs that sounded just like them. El Tio kicked the romance up a notch at 8:13pm, dimming the lights and making it impossible to take pictures of your food (take note, fellas: if you don’t have a blog, don’t take pictures of your food on your dates). Interesting décor and living up to all the usual expectations for a Tex-Mex establishment means you won’t be disappointed with The Uncle.

Rating: 3.0 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 3.0 Thurbs

Guest of Honor Review: Maggie Delahoyde (observe Mags' before-dinner preparation)

Well, in all honesty, I never thought this day would arrive and therefore never had faith this paragraph would be written. So it was quite a surprise, and true honor, to find out that I had been selected as Guest of Honor for the Thurber Party, and told by none other than Christian Bale: A true delight. So the night finally arrived and the expectations were high. very high. And as luck would have it, El Tio was quite good. I have to say I was a little relieved we weren't embarking on some hole-in-the-wall place with no electricity. These Thurber boys know no fear when it comes to The Falls Church restaurant selections. And although I had a slight twinge in my heart that I was cheating on my first true love, Uncle Julio's Rio Grande Mexican Restaurant, I had a delicious meal at a restaurant whose name translates to "The Uncle". Coincidence? I think not. Although my love for Uncle Julio will never be replaced or diminished, El Tio was pretty tasty. And it was my inaugural venture with a chimichanga! Good food, great company, and the expectations were not disappointed.

Taco Laredo

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Obscurity/Location/Curb Appeal: Matt

At first glance, Taco Laredo seems like it might be decent.  Maybe a little out of the way – located on Hillwood Avenue, a less traveled Falls Church side road – and maybe a bit of a hole in the wall – one that you can never quite tell if it’s open, closed or out of business – but decent nonetheless.  Several aspects of its outward appearance might even entice you to try it out.  If you’re a history lover, you might be drawn to the fact that Taco Laredo proudly displays that it is “one of the oldest restaurants in Falls Church.”  So that puts its origin somewhere between the Revolutionary War and the 80’s.  If you’re a fan of Mexican stuff, you might be drawn to the building itself as it painted in the tri-colors of the Mexican flag with thin, uneven coats of white, red and green.  If you’re an aspiring botanist or just a nature lover, you might be drawn to the well-groomed flower box surrounding the Taco Laredo sign or the neatly trimmed lawn and hedges out front.  But do not be deceived.  All good things about Taco Laredo truly must come to an end – at the front door.  (On a side note, I think it’s no small coincidence that every time I’ve tried to type “Taco Laredo” in this review, I’ve accidentally typed “Taco Lardo” instead.  Be ye warned.)

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Anne Dorrance (Guest of Honor)

Brian, Tommy, Matt and I were in for a treat as we walked into Taco Laredo and made our way to the counter to order our food.  Brian and I both ordered the Laredo Toaster thinking that it was going to be similar to something we saw on a Taco Bell commercial but were both surprised when we got it wrapped in mysterious foil.  It didn't live up to our expectations, but Brian and I did finish it.  Brian was pleased with his chicken burrito and felt good about it at the time.  I also ordered "Old Style" Nachos and when I got it, also wrapped in foil, it was one giant flat taco shell with melted cheddar cheese (what?!?!? seriously?!?!).  Yes, they were definitely serious...it was a pretty lame attempt at nachos.  Tommy got the #5 combo (taco, texas burrito and a side of guacamole).  He tried ordering "nachos" too, but apparently they ran out after my order.  So he had a side of guac with no chips.  His meal was not satisfactory as he had a few bites of  burrito and terrible tasting guac and announced that he was going to stop at Taco Bell on the way home.  However, Matt was able to order a combo meal which came with a side of 3 flat taco shells and suspicious looking red liquid standing in for the salsa.  Matt described the chips as being terrible and tasting like plastic.  Needless to say, the boys weren't happy with their food and won't be returning.  I, however, felt okay about the food I received for the amount I paid, $8, and am not opposed to eating at the "one of oldest restaurants in Falls Church" again.

(Editor’s note: Anne is crazy.)

Rating: 1 Thurb

Service/Cost: Brian

Where to begin?  In evaluating the service at Taco Laredo, I ask you to recall the Looney Tunes character Speedy Gonzalez.  You remember.  He was a tiny, Mexican mouse donning a sombrero and neckerchief with a penchant for doing all things quickly while spewing various phrases in Spanish.  Apparently our amigos at Taco Laredo have never heard of him.  In fact, all aspects of our evening were anything but speedy.  When I saw the bowling alley snack bar menu next to a Microsoft Word printout menu, I had the sinking suspicion the ordering process would be quite a challenge for Taco Laredo personnel.

Initially, we perused both menus to discover rare “house specialties” such as the “Laredo Toaster” and “Sancho Deluxe”.  However, upon ordering our dishes, it became apparent the Taco Laredo staff was as much a stranger to their fare as we were.  Looks of confusion and physically pointing out items on the menu to your server is never a good sign.  Additionally, magic marker templates of how to prepare each dish scrawled on the wall beside the grill do not instill confidence in patrons.  Our cashier/server/cook contributed to the lengthy wait coupled with a translation of each order to the other cooks. One lone staffer’s responsibilities appeared to be relegated to drink orders and watching Madagascar on HBO Latino.  Did I mention we stood in line at the counter during this entire process for a grand total of 30 minutes?

As for cost, all food prices were relatively inexpensive and none of us spent more than 10 dollars or so.  Unfortunately, Taco Laredo suffers from a textbook case of “You Get What You Pay For.”  Save your money.  Go to Taco Bell.  On a final note, I hail from a state where Mexican restaurants thrive like kudzu.  Hostesses swiftly bring chips and salsa and present menus within the first 10 minutes of arrival.  Steaming plates of food are stacked 4 deep on the arm of any waiter.  You can order your dish by number only, and they know exactly what you want.  Taco Laredo should take a page from that libro.  Under Taco Laredo’s current management, “one of the oldest restaurants in Falls Church” is doing one thing expeditiously: writing its last chapter.

Rating: 0.5 Thurb 

Ambiance/Entertainment: Tommy

The entrance to Taco Laredo (TL) is obvious but unassuming, the right side of a set of double doors without a spring hinge to close the door behind you. I can almost hear fathers everywhere complaining that by forgetting to shut the door behind them, patrons are “air conditioning the neighborhood” in the Hillwood Ave. district. Red carpet with 1970’s era-wood paneling and a menu taken straight out of a bowling alley snack bar pass for décor inside the single, open-air dining area. The trashcan appeared to be purchased in a McDonald’s memorabilia auction, a brown particleboard receptacle that no doubt saw trash from the billions and billions served at McD’s, and is wondering why TL, after over 40 years of service in Falls Church, has probably only served hundreds and hundreds.

The true ambiance of TL is hard to describe here, it is what I imagine I would do if I were tasked to decorate a bad restaurant as stereotypically as possible. There sits a karaoke machine covered in a sheet and a jukebox in the corner, which looks to have been collecting dust since the date of its purchase. In terms of pure cheesiness (pun intended), posters of “Nachos: a delicious new snack!” are right up there with the ones of a kitten holding onto a tree encouraging you to “Hang in there!” The cut out of the animated character behind a giant taco only added to the cliché. Mismatched furniture, napkin holders with the store stickers still attached, and any possible certificate they could get their hands on only increased the feel of desperation in a place weakly clinging to the success of years’ past. Certificate of 25 years of business: check. Certificate of “appreciation” from the leukemia and lymphoma society: check. Certificate of approval from some type of sanitation agency: Umm…check please.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Taco Laredo Overall

Rating: 1.125 Thurbs

Remember to enter your name in the Guest of Honor Lottery at the bottom of the page.  You could be next week's winner!

Las Americas

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Obscurity/Location/Curb Appeal: Matt

To find a place like Las Americas, you really have to be trying hard to uncover every restaurant in every hidden corner of Falls Church.  Fortunately, that’s exactly what “Thurber Party of 4” is doing.  We found Las Americas on a driving tour of Rt. 50 that eventually led us to anintersection at Graham Road.  We could easily focus our entire blog on this one intersection as it is home to about a hundred different restaurants, each with varying degrees of sketchiness and randomness.

Las Americas is tucked in a corner between a bustling supermercado, a large gas station and several other ethnic restaurants.  It pretty much cannot be seen from the highway that passes along side of it. Even from right outside of its front door, Las Americas is very unadorned and unassuming.  Simply a modest green awning, a bit of neon, and windows with the blinds pulled shut.  You might not think it was open if that neon didn’t tell you otherwise.  And you might not even think it was a restaurant if it didn’t specifically say so on the awning.  Take a few steps inside, though, and your whole world changes.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Food/Beverage: Anne Womack (Guest of Honor)

Seeing as how this was my third "Mexican" meal in three days, I felt as though I had a unique perspective coming into the evening.  That theme of "unique" proved to carry through the entire experience.  First came the chips and salsa.  The chips were very similar to the kind that come in a little-league ball park order of nachos.  You know the chip...yellow corn, various shapes, a bit stale.  These fine delicacies coupled with the half tomato paste/half imitation chipotle salsa (complete with chopped up onions sprinkled on top) provided for a wonderful beginning to our dining experience.

As for beverages, there were some "mixed drink" options, as well as domestic and imported beers.  However, there were no Margaritas to speak of, and the beer prices were a bit steep.  (And let's be honest, we may or may not have been a bit worried that the bartender might spike our drinks in order to ease our entrance onto the karaoke stage--see "ambiance.”)  So, we settled for water and soft drinks.

When our food arrived it seem seemed presentable.  Brian's "combinacion" platter, with chicken AND steak, came with rice and a half-carved avocado.  Both pieces of meat seemed edible and, as far as we know, Brian is still healthy this morning after eating them.  Matt ordered the "ensalada de verduras."  Along with various "verduras" this salad came with an interesting selection of cheese that slightly resembled tofu on top.  Matt might have had the worst luck of all of us with his meal were it not for his "papusa" side item. With a Mexican/Salvadoran drink of cinnamon and milk to wash it down, Matt's meal turned out to be "una mezcla perfecta!"  Tommy ordered the nachos, which may have been the safety-order of the evening.  They looked good and seemed to get good reviews from Tommy.  Finally, I had the "burrito del pollo."  This chicken burrito came full of grilled chicken and rice that could have been confused with fried rice. It lacked the normal brown color of Mexican rice but was enjoyable nonetheless.  The burrito was both tasty and filling.  Though this is not the cuisine I would choose on my Mexican/Salvadoran food quest, it wasn't bad at all.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Service/Cost: Brian

In the interest of honesty, I began the evening prepared to evaluate the cost and service of a different Falls Church Hispanic eatery called Taco Laredo.  But, due to it closing at 8pm and a late start by the Thurber boys and guest, we instead traveled to Las Americas…un gran sorpresa!!!

Las Americas’ all-female wait staff was prompt in greeting our party and was dressed inidentical rose-colored button up shirts complete with nametags.  I found this to be a bit more professional than other establishments we’d visited (cough…Brinkley’s…cough!).  Our waitress felt compelled to seat our party of four at the table nearest the evening’s entertainment, the karaoke machine and its blaring loud speakers.

The head seat of our table was occupied by the mini TV displaying the lyrics to numerous Latin American hits that, surprisingly enough, everyone in Las Americas knew by heart (minus our table).  Drink and entrée orders were taken quickly and correctly with several drink refills throughout the night.  However, Anne’s glass was refilled with water while still containing remnants of Diet Coke.  ¡Qué lástima!

The cost of our fare hovered near the prices of most other Hispanic establishments.  Our dishes ranged from 8 to 12 dollars and, for the money, taste and portion size were admirable.  ¡Qué ganga!  The staff was appreciative of our visit and the karaoke DJ made Tommy promise to return in exactly two weeks.  Seriously.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Ambiance/Entertainment: Tommy

After a long day of work, the last thing you want to see when you go out to a restaurant is a dropped-panel ceiling and more fluorescent lighting. But in case you just can’t get enough of both of these things, Las Americas (Spanish for “The Americas”) is just the place for you. The standard-issue office lighting, however, is spruced up significantly by the placement of sheets of translucent plastic with pictures of clouds on them. If you didn’t know any better, you might think you were outside and the weather was “cloudy, with a chance of radioactive-white lighting.”

The ambience of The Americas, however, was far more than just the walls and ceiling. All of us commented on the fact that this restaurant was about 10 times as loud as any other restaurant we’ve visited, although there were still only 2 other people in the restaurant with us. This feat was achieved through the national instrument of South America - the karaoke machine. With the “echo” level cranked to 11, the two ladies on the “entertainment wait staff” belted out hit after Spanish hit, urging…or, rather, forcing us to join in on the party. Matt and Brian took the first slot, belting out Hotel California and bringing the rest of the staff to their feet (although I didn’t check, they may have been standing before that point). Brian searched through the “library” of songs offered on the karaoke machine.  This handwritten list from the DJ featured all genres of music, including an extensive list from “The Beathes[sic]” with hits like “Lucy in the Sun,” “Across the with diamon,” “Here days nigest,” and “Hard Man.” After a few more hits de espanol, Brian and Anne sang a duet of Billy Joel’s classic, “The Longest Time,” with Anne bringing in the DJ for support and an extra boost of energy that carried them through the song.

The two other guests in the restaurant with us appeared to be regulars on The Americas’ karaoke circuit, with one crooning like a young Spanish Sinatra while the other drank Corona and yelled “Pero!” or “Perro!” at least 5 or 6 times during each song. My high school and college Spanish fails me quite often these days, but I am fairly sure that means either “But!” or “Dog!” Neither of these translations makes too much sense in context, but that doesn’t mean that it was any less entertaining. From the almost-bar to the karaoke smorgasbord to the blatant disregard for the Virginia smoking ban, Las Americas is the real deal.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Las Americas

Overall Rating: 2.875 Thurbs