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At first glance, Taco Laredo seems like it might be decent. Maybe a little out of the way – located on Hillwood Avenue, a less traveled Falls Church side road – and maybe a bit of a hole in the wall – one that you can never quite tell if it’s open, closed or out of business – but decent nonetheless. Several aspects of its outward appearance might even entice you to try it out. If you’re a history lover, you might be drawn to the fact that Taco Laredo proudly displays that it is “one of the oldest restaurants in Falls Church.” So that puts its origin somewhere between the Revolutionary War and the 80’s. If you’re a fan of Mexican stuff, you might be drawn to the building itself as it painted in the tri-colors of the Mexican flag with thin, uneven coats of white, red and green. If you’re an aspiring botanist or just a nature lover, you might be drawn to the well-groomed flower box surrounding the Taco Laredo sign or the neatly trimmed lawn and hedges out front. But do not be deceived. All good things about Taco Laredo truly must come to an end – at the front door. (On a side note, I think it’s no small coincidence that every time I’ve tried to type “Taco Laredo” in this review, I’ve accidentally typed “Taco Lardo” instead. Be ye warned.)
Rating: 2 Thurbs
Brian, Tommy, Matt and I were in for a treat as we walked into Taco Laredo and made our way to the counter to order our food. Brian and I both ordered the Laredo Toaster thinking that it was going to be similar to something we saw on a Taco Bell commercial but were both surprised when we got it wrapped in mysterious foil. It didn't live up to our expectations, but Brian and I did finish it. Brian was pleased with his chicken burrito and felt good about it at the time. I also ordered "Old Style" Nachos and when I got it, also wrapped in foil, it was one giant flat taco shell with melted cheddar cheese (what?!?!? seriously?!?!). Yes, they were definitely serious...it was a pretty lame attempt at nachos. Tommy got the #5 combo (taco, texas burrito and a side of guacamole). He tried ordering "nachos" too, but apparently they ran out after my order. So he had a side of guac with no chips. His meal was not satisfactory as he had a few bites of burrito and terrible tasting guac and announced that he was going to stop at Taco Bell on the way home. However, Matt was able to order a combo meal which came with a side of 3 flat taco shells and suspicious looking red liquid standing in for the salsa. Matt described the chips as being terrible and tasting like plastic. Needless to say, the boys weren't happy with their food and won't be returning. I, however, felt okay about the food I received for the amount I paid, $8, and am not opposed to eating at the "one of oldest restaurants in Falls Church" again.
(Editor’s note: Anne is crazy.)
Rating: 1 Thurb
Service/Cost: Brian
Where to begin? In evaluating the service at Taco Laredo, I ask you to recall the Looney Tunes character Speedy Gonzalez. You remember. He was a tiny, Mexican mouse donning a sombrero and neckerchief with a penchant for doing all things quickly while spewing various phrases in Spanish. Apparently our amigos at Taco Laredo have never heard of him. In fact, all aspects of our evening were anything but speedy. When I saw the bowling alley snack bar menu next to a Microsoft Word printout menu, I had the sinking suspicion the ordering process would be quite a challenge for Taco Laredo personnel.
Initially, we perused both menus to discover rare “house specialties” such as the “Laredo Toaster” and “Sancho Deluxe”. However, upon ordering our dishes, it became apparent the Taco Laredo staff was as much a stranger to their fare as we were. Looks of confusion and physically pointing out items on the menu to your server is never a good sign. Additionally, magic marker templates of how to prepare each dish scrawled on the wall beside the grill do not instill confidence in patrons. Our cashier/server/cook contributed to the lengthy wait coupled with a translation of each order to the other cooks. One lone staffer’s responsibilities appeared to be relegated to drink orders and watching Madagascar on HBO Latino. Did I mention we stood in line at the counter during this entire process for a grand total of 30 minutes?
As for cost, all food prices were relatively inexpensive and none of us spent more than 10 dollars or so. Unfortunately, Taco Laredo suffers from a textbook case of “You Get What You Pay For.” Save your money. Go to Taco Bell. On a final note, I hail from a state where Mexican restaurants thrive like kudzu. Hostesses swiftly bring chips and salsa and present menus within the first 10 minutes of arrival. Steaming plates of food are stacked 4 deep on the arm of any waiter. You can order your dish by number only, and they know exactly what you want. Taco Laredo should take a page from that libro. Under Taco Laredo’s current management, “one of the oldest restaurants in Falls Church” is doing one thing expeditiously: writing its last chapter.
Rating: 0.5 Thurb
Ambiance/Entertainment: Tommy
The entrance to Taco Laredo (TL) is obvious but unassuming, the right side of a set of double doors without a spring hinge to close the door behind you. I can almost hear fathers everywhere complaining that by forgetting to shut the door behind them, patrons are “air conditioning the neighborhood” in the Hillwood Ave. district. Red carpet with 1970’s era-wood paneling and a menu taken straight out of a bowling alley snack bar pass for décor inside the single, open-air dining area. The trashcan appeared to be purchased in a McDonald’s memorabilia auction, a brown particleboard receptacle that no doubt saw trash from the billions and billions served at McD’s, and is wondering why TL, after over 40 years of service in Falls Church, has probably only served hundreds and hundreds.
The true ambiance of TL is hard to describe here, it is what I imagine I would do if I were tasked to decorate a bad restaurant as stereotypically as possible. There sits a karaoke machine covered in a sheet and a jukebox in the corner, which looks to have been collecting dust since the date of its purchase. In terms of pure cheesiness (pun intended), posters of “Nachos: a delicious new snack!” are right up there with the ones of a kitten holding onto a tree encouraging you to “Hang in there!” The cut out of the animated character behind a giant taco only added to the cliché. Mismatched furniture, napkin holders with the store stickers still attached, and any possible certificate they could get their hands on only increased the feel of desperation in a place weakly clinging to the success of years’ past. Certificate of 25 years of business: check. Certificate of “appreciation” from the leukemia and lymphoma society: check. Certificate of approval from some type of sanitation agency: Umm…check please.
Rating: 1 Thurb
Taco Laredo Overall
Rating: 1.125 Thurbs
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hahahaa love it. Taco Lardo will clearly never get my biz. and anne's face is priceless.
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