Majestic Seafood

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Location/Curb Appeal: Tommy

To give the reader a little background on this trip, we knew that this wasn't going to be your standard, American restaurant. Upon calling to inquire about the hours for the restaurant, the woman answering the phone was unable to understand what I was asking ("How late are you open?") or responding. She handed me off to the person who tells English-speakers the general information for the establishment and we were off on our journey (it's open till 2am, for those of you who want to get there for the late bird specials).

For the trick to getting people to come to the restaurant/crab house, Majestic takes a page out of the playbook of Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Tunica. The brightest neon on Annandale strip, coupled with some out-of-the-ordinary sights for a seafood restaurant (neon-lit palm trees?), and you've got all of the ingredients for the best night club that West Falls Church has to offer. We had seen this spectacle many times before, and even got an up-close and personal look at it during our previous trip to La Granja de Oro (see past blog post), but like the saying goes, “almost only counts in horseshoes and incomplete tasks.” We parked in a prime spot, given that 5 out of 7 of the front spots were designated for the handicapped. The cops don't start policing the joint until about 10pm, so if you want to bring the whole family, I'd suggest you get there by NEVER o'clock. This place is easy to find and if you’re curious to see the inside of what looks like a Las Vegas warehouse…you’ll probably make the same mistake decision we did and head on inside.

Rating: 3 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Matt

Maybe it was all the Starbursts I ate a few hours before our dinner. Maybe it was the fact that we didn’t actually begin eating until about 9:15pm en la noche. Maybe it was all the chips that I snacked on before our orders were served (along with two types of salsa – one which was clearly Pace Picante straight out of the jar and the other which was clearly Tapatio hot sauce also straight out of the bottle). Maybe it was frustration over yet another restaurant with a complete lack of meatless options. In any case, I was not digging the food at Majestic.

Due to its vegetarian-unfriendliness, I resorted to ordering the “Ceviche Mixto,” a seafood dish with a mixto of shrimp, calamari, some kind of fish and (yikes) baby octopus. Eating something like this is a reach in itself for me, and my distaste for the food was intensified by the fact that everything felt and tasted like I was eating rubber. Incidentally, the ceviche was served with a huge piece of corn that was probably the strangest and grossest corn I have ever eaten. The reactions of my fellow diners ranged from mutual dissatisfaction to “It was alright.” Brian ordered some sort of fried chicken with fried eggs and French fries (a lot of fried stuff) that he quickly regretted. Tommy continued his tradition of ordering nachos any time they are available and found himself in the “It was alright” category. Kristin ordered fish, which she gave a similar rating. Mark was the lone happy diner with his “Lomo Saltado” (beef with vegetables – same as Brian ordered weeks ago at the neighboring La Granja de Oro). In an attempt to sabotage his pleasant meal, I stashed the head of one of my baby octopus in with his beef, but he did not seem phased by that rubbery addition. There may be good reasons to visit Majestic, but the food is most certainly not one of them.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Service/Cost: Mark

After corralling my plunder from the Depot for Homes, I darted over to the Majestic. For those of you still reading, you have no idea how hard it is to limit my review to just service and cost. Wow, this was a good night. I had no idea what I was in for. I really thought this was a family owned seafood restaurant, but to my suprise, our waitress didn't have a the tacky floral shirt, khaki shorts, and white keds. Rather, a Hooters® waitress from south of the border was tending to our party. I wasn't witness to our original waitress or to the person who eventually took our orders, so I can't really comment. According to the other thurbs, the original waitress was quickly swapped out due to a language barrier. The service throughout the evening comprised of the waitress asking us if we wanted refills(this was mainly done via pointing).

The price was on the steep side for the quanity/quality of food-not your traditional large plate mexican restaurant. Likewise, I never saw the prices for any of the entrees. I do know that I gave Tommy $15 dollars before I jetted for the evening, and I it was worth every penny.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Click below to check out an example of the Hispanic jams we were listening to:

Ambience & Entertainment: Brian

Where to begin!? Now that the reggaeton beat is engrained in your head, it is time to recount the sheer amazement that was Majestic. Living up to the its namesake, picture a dance floor that takes up the majority of the dining room. Red leather sofas and chairs line the side opposite the DJ’s station, and overhead, a rack of disco balls, laser lights, and smoke machines crowd the ceiling welcoming the night’s guests. Majestic’s atmosphere didn’t end there. Every corner of the establishment was filled with some aspect designed to entice or entertain. From the VIP bar nearest our table, to the corner bar, to the main bar, to the numerous flat screens displaying telenovelas on Univision, Majestic’s interior left no eye uncaught.

Although the restaurant was virtually empty upon our arrival, we soon discovered that Majestic became increasingly entertaining as the evening progressed. Towards the end of our meal, the aforementioned laser lights and smoke machines were brought to life as Latin grooves and hip hop beats filled the air. The cages on either side of the DJ’s booth left little to be imagined as to their use. Heavyset bouncers arrived and began screening potential customers. Amidst all of these attractions, the five of us enjoyed dancing at our table, eyeing the incoming patrons, and wondering just what would unfold could we stay a bit longer on this Monday summer night. Even if you never taste the food at Majestic, let the lighted palm trees along Annandale Road draw you inside for a closer look and don’t let the bouncers scare you off.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 2.375

Guest of Honor Review: Kristin Neal

Well, I had just about given up on these boys. Tommy, Matt, Brian, and Mark – the Thurbster Crew, as I like to call them. After all my sassy comments about the lottery for the past 15 weeks, I had sort of gotten over the whole thing. So when I got that text I’d be waiting for all summer, “YOU WON!!” I thought, “That’s cool, I guess.” Little did I know that the good Lord had a plan for me that would surpass all my expectations. Has anyone ever heard me talk about how I think I was actually supposed to be Latina but somehow came out as a redhead instead? Give me a little reggaeton or salsa beat and my day is made. And so, I knew it was going to be a fabulous evening when we stepped into Majestic and seemed to interrupt a steamy rumba lesson on the dance floor. So this is where all the fun has been hiding in Falls Church… lazer lights, VIP bars, amoeba/jellyfish floating around the walls (hard to explain), Cadillac Margaritas, glowing palm trees, heart-palpitating music, and not one ounce of English on the menu? Sounds like a vacation to me! I can’t decide what I liked best – the hot pink and black bra our waitress was wearing underneath her sheer white shirt or the little shimmy I was able to sneak in while crossing the dance floor on my way to the bathroom. Whoever said white girls can’t dance has never invited Kristin Neal to Majestic. Thanks Thurbster for the best night my summer has seen yet.

Remember to enter the lottery for the upcoming week! You've got to play to win...but sometimes, you have to win to play.

Brinkley's

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Also check out the Brinkley's website.

Obscurity/Location/Curb Appeal: Brian

Only a stone’s throw from Pistone’s Italian Inn is another fine dining establishment known simply as Brinkley’s.  Due to its location in the bustling 7 Corners district, Brinkley’s is often overlooked by the average passerby.  Sandwiched between a nail/massage/tattoo parlor and the Sunoco on Hwy. 7, the brown paint and canary yellow awnings do little to attract attention.  Brinkley’s specializes in the all-too-familiar duo of Family Dining and Lounge/Pool Hall, but the exterior certainly doesn’t scream “family” or “safety.”   Two “park anywhere” lots (front and back) welcome all walks of vehicle life and their passengers.  In an attempt to attract more customers, neon signs crowd one window pleading with potential patrons, “We’re Open!”  Yes, even Brinkley’s has fallen victim to our battered economy.

If you happen to visit Brinkley’s in the near future, head to 7 Corners on Leesburg Pike, stay to your right, and slow down or you’ll certainly miss it.  Conveniently, the restaurant is open 24/7 to adapt to our never quit/no vacation DC lifestyles.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Food/Beverage: Tommy

After visiting Brinkley’s website, I was slightly worried about coming here the night before leaving for a business trip, and not because I thought that it would be so exciting that it would make the plane ride seem dull. As we pulled in to the parking lot, however, the black-stamped “Home Cooking” on the yellow awning eased some of this tension. Gibbons dragged his feet on the way in, but as soon as he saw that they served a few menu items that could not possibly be mangled too badly, he jumped right in, ordering a waffle and bacon (the same thing I would’ve gotten had I been 16 years younger).

The menu was set up to accommodate both young and old, with large pictures of the menu items. Everything from the 16oz. T-Bone steak to the platter of chicken “striplings” (don’t be fooled, they’re just strips/tenders) could be easily ordered by the number designated next to the entrée of choice, or by describing the picture you saw in the menu to the greeter/host/waiter/cook/maitre d’ (which was conveniently the same person). BP strayed from the norm, going with the pork chop, and upon its arrival, reaped the fruits of his wise choice. “Tastes like char!,” he exclaimed, which normally one would think would not be a good thing, but the bare bones 30 minutes later told a different story. Matt ordered the spicy omelette, sans meat. Although I have seen better omelettes, I have also seen far worse, and this one was resoundingly right in the middle on the “awesome omelette” spectrum. After this hearty meal, reminiscent of a late-night trip to a Waffle House, we made our way to the “lounge”, enjoying one of the many (3) domestic beers offered by the bar. While I have experienced both this type of food and this type of lounge better separately, never have I experienced them both together.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Service/Cost: Matt

As far as I could tell, only two people were working at Brinkley’s on the night of our visit – one guy in the diner and one girl in the bar.  That in itself either means (1) these are the two most incredibly talented and efficient restaurant employees ever or (2) not very many people come here.  Without an employee to greet us at the door, we were left to welcome ourselves in and find a seat in the empty diner.  At this point, Brian rightly noticed a look on the face of the man behind the counter that seemed to say, “Ugh, now I have to do work.”  He approached our tables with a similar sentiment, wordlessly dropping menus in front of our group of five.

With a welcome like this, I was prepared for a night of absolutely awful customer service.  But, in Brinkleys’ defense, they really turner it around for the rest of our visit.  The waiter/cook took our orders and remembered all of it accurately without writing anything down (which admittedly is easier when there are only five orders in the whole restaurant to remember).  He brought out the food in a timely manner.  He agreed to split our checks, which scores major points in my book.  He even laughed at one of Gibbons’ jokes during checkout!

As far as the cost of a fine meal at Brinkley’s, it’s decently affordable for the diner food you are getting.  Not remarkably cheap, but also not ridiculously expensive.  Although there’s no telling where the prices will be for the next visit, as the handwritten adjustments on the menus seem to suggest an on-the-fly reaction to tough economic conditions.  Yesterday that omelette was $5.75.  Today it’s $6.20.  Tomorrow…$32.50.  Who knows?

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Ambiance/Entertainment: Mark

Imagine yourself continually adjusting your seating position to fit the one-piece laminated board which was artfully inspired by the '70's diner experience.  As you stare at the Sunbeam clock displaying the time quite accurately, you begin to notice that the yellow mustard clock face is similar in color to the bench you are sitting on - and really isn't that far displaced on the color spectrum from the wallpaper as well.  As you peer over your shoulder, you notice that the three chain-smoking patrons at the grill are dutifully obeying the two-seat-gap rule.  One is reading a book, another the paper, and the woman on the end of the line of stools is quietly pushing "the usual" around.  The plumes of smoke from both the guests and the grill are efficiently evacuated up, up and away by the exhaust fan.  Up…that's a good question.  Up is where the lounge is, and the lounge is a bar.  While there wasn't any lounging, there was the quintessential video poker machine at the bar and two standard pool tables being utilized by a few regulars.  Not so standard were the individuals playing chess and the recent high school graduate bartender.  If you find yourself doing a lot of imagining up to this point, you can stop now because you’re there.

While the upstairs hosts a karaoke night and DJ/dance events, the downstairs diner is not limited to times and performances which are inherent with bare entertainment.  The diner is restrained only by the number of dollar bills in your pocket.  The "Internet  Jukebox" boasts over 1000 songs, and our party only made its way through four or five.  Just as the tunes of Huey Lewis begin to wind down, the feeding frenzy is well beyond aborting to feed the box.  Subsequently, the Brinkley's vibe settled down to the hum of an overworked exhaust fan and quiet table conversation

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 1.625 Thurbs

Guest of Honor Review: Andrew Gibbons

As I pulled into the parking lot, I knew that I was probably not going to be that blown away by Brinkley’s. The parking lot had no designated lines for parking, which I figured made sense, since everyone probably leaves as soon as possible when going there. As we walked into this restaurant, the same type that you would see on the 11 o'clock news because some woman gave birth to a baby in the back of a Chevy truck, I noticed two things that comforted me. A very nice jukebox that contained a million different songs and also a very nice looking waffle maker that looked clean enough for my standards. I knew then that those two things would be the very things that got me through my time at Brinkley’s.

After sitting down, I decided to bum a dollar off Tommy to pop into the Jukebox. I requested "Two Steps Behind" by Def Leppard (this song should have gotten more airplay in the 90s) and a live redention of "You Dont Know Me" by Ray Charles.

After ordering my Waffle, Bacon and Whole Milk, I felt like there wasn’t much that could go wrong there. The food started to come out, and it didn’t look bad. My waffle was crisp, like I like it, and my bacon looked good and tasted good as well. My milk was cold. The syrup supplied could have been better, but overall a good meal.