Tuscany Grapes Cafe

For more pictures of our Tuscany Grapes experience click here

Also check out the Tuscany Grapes website - it's the next best thing to actually being there!

Curb Appeal & Location: Brian R.

This particular phrase can be heard in many scenes and settings. You could probably find it somewhere at a wedding or maybe it comes out in a long overdue conversation with an old friend. Whoever it may be is probably going on about their husband or wife and finally gets to the part where they affirm that he/she is “their better half”. We have all heard the saying and sometimes it’s heartfelt, but other times it’s more than apparent that the claim is false and the speaker clearly believes they are actually the better half by a long shot. Well, Tuscany Grapes, our most recent dinner venture, was definitely the better half... of 7-11. Other businesses attached to 7-11’s? Laundromats, Check Cashing establishments, Bail Bonds and crime scenes.

If your going to eat here you should probably just look for the 7-11, but to be a bit more specific Tuscany Grapes was off of Lee Highway on Rogers Road. The less than classy low-lit lot was garnished with a pulsing “OPEN” sign that left us all second-guessing whether or not the sign was actually telling the truth, but the door opened and we found that the establishment was open. Other outside décor included a white board held by steel cables and bolted into the building that advertised the name of the establishment. Really nothing else worth mentioning as far as curb appeal goes.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Brian P.

I first noticed Tuscany Grapes Café as I traveled down Lee Highway in Tommy’s car last week. Perpendicularly attached to a 7 Eleven, it may not be the first place one looks for fine Mediterranean cuisine. Intrigued by the name and online menu, the Thurber party ventured inside this restaurant/hookah bar Monday night with somewhat high hopes. In all honesty, our group was eager to forget the disappointment of Victor’s Grill weeks before. Prior to our trip, we had the luxury of perusing a rather extensive menu on the Tuscany Grapes website. Boasting such dishes as Baba Ghanouge, Kibbi, Fatoush, and Khyar B’Laban, Tuscany Grapes certainly appeared to be an establishment steeped in authenticity. To our amazement and delight, Tuscany Grapes Café delivered!

Our rather eccentric and talkative waiter took our order and delivered a variety of well-prepared Mediterranean foods. I had the chicken kabob and hummus (to compare to Lahori Kabob,) Matt ordered falafel, Tommy enjoyed a massive ricotta/pepperoni calzone, and Brobinson had a chicken parmesan sub. Three waters and a Diet Coke were the beverages for the evening. Unfortunately, these drinks were delivered in bottle or can only preventing free refills. We sipped conservatively. To cap off the evening, Tommy, Matt and Brobinson enjoyed Strawberry Al Fakher served in one of the tallest hookah’s I’ve ever seen. Yet another crowd pleaser. I’m trying to quit.

Although we didn’t try some of the more exotic choices mentioned above, I can confidently say everyone enjoyed their meals and we will return. I also believe we Thurberites did a fine job of sampling a diverse array of what Tuscany Grapes Café has to offer. Hopefully, dear readers, you can carve out some time to make a trip right off Lee Highway on Rogers Road and visit this restaurant. It is sure to please.

Rating: 3.25 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Tommy

The entrance to Tuscany Grapes is where I would’ve designed it, had I the unfortunate luck of opening my business on “opposite day.” Although there is no sign welcoming you through the door of my preference, there were also no tables blocking entry. When I got about 10 feet away, I could see the other guys already inside, watching to see if I made the same blunder I assume they already had. As I walked inside, a very cordial man greeted me (turns out he owns the restaurant). Both the manager (who doubled as a waiter) and the owner were very friendly and made small talk with us about sports, current events, and the occasional borderline-inappropriate joke. Although I can’t give TG an excellent rating for cost since they had no soda fountain, gave only cans of soda and bottles of water (with no refills, obviously), it was a very fair price for the food itself. All in all, if you’re looking for a place that has no qualms about being the place you grab a pizza and eat it in the restaurant at 3am, Tuscany Grapes is worth a try. Completely unassuming, and I don’t think anything would’ve rattled these guys. I wanted to test my theory by laying down on a table and eating my calzone with my hands, but I didn’t want to push the limits of their generosity.

Rating: 3.0 Thurbs

Ambiance & Entertainment: Matt

How can I possibly explain what it feels like to spend a Monday evening at Tuscany Grapes? Have you ever had a weekend night where you’ve gone with someone you know over to a random dude’s apartment that you don’t really know and found yourself in the company of a bunch of other random dudes that all seem slightly sketchy but also very friendly and everyone is just lounging around, watching TV, making a few jokes, being slightly inappropriate, acting like you’re all good friends and then leaving at the end of that night never to see any of those people ever again. Maybe that’s not a scenario everyone can relate to, but I had a sense of déjà vu the whole night at Tuscany Grapes about that very type of thing. I think that says something about their friendliness and hospitality of the restaurant staff and patrons. It also says something about the disheveled Mediterranean living room décor at Tuscany Grapes, complete with flat screen TV on the wall, hookahs and ashtrays on the tables and several people hunched over laptops while checking up on their Myspace pages in the middle of the dining room. It also says something about that fact that the whole social situation that developed there was all just a little bizarre. Thirty minutes into our meal we were watching Monday Night Football with the owner, manager and cook as well as three other random customers stopping in for who knows what. Somewhere along the way it switched from eating dinner at a restaurant to hanging out with all these random dudes watching football. All of that makes for a fun time but also a bit of a surreal dining experience.

Rating: 2.5 Thurbs

Tuscany Grapes

Overall Rating: 2.7 Thurbs

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Victor's Grill II

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Also check out the Victor's website - including YouTube videos!

Location & Curb Appeal: Brian P.

Although lacking any aesthetic appeal to random passersby, Tommy’s Acura found physical curb appeal as his bumper scraped against it upon our arrival at Victor’s Grill II. Located on Lee Highway (see map) in the same shopping strip as El Tio and not far from Bubba’s, the Thurber party found themselves repeat victims of the all-too-familiar Salvadorean/Argentinian combo. The only thing to attract hungry locals is a large, red, neon sign amidst other neon signs in the same strip of stores. If memory serves me correctly, a dry cleaners and some other “tienda” are Victor’s neighbors. However, it gets tough to keep track of these restaurants that have the uncanny ability to offer identical fare. Sorry, readers, not much to report on the obscurity of Victor’s. Perhaps the name of the restaurant is somewhat strange. We have also discovered, as many of these South American restaurants go, there is a common necessity to include some sort of dance floor no matter how small or large the space. Additionally, karaoke must be offered at least 3 nights a week.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Tommy

While trying to decide on what restaurant to go to, I selfishly suggested Victor’s Grill in the hopes that we would avoid a place with bad food. Now normally I’m not a believer in karma, but in this case I would be willing to entertain the idea of it. How else can you explain picking a restaurant with the title of “Grill”, in hopes of avoiding another blasé El Salvadorian restaurant, only to find that Victor’s “Grill” is actually just what you were hoping to avoid?

To be fair, the fried steak sandwich may not be their specialty, but if you want me to try your specialty, you can’t make it $28. This isn’t Ruth’s Chris Churrascaria. As such, I was relegated to the C-list of Victor’s menu (a hilarious menu, I might add). I can only assume that this menu was not done in MS Word, as the amount of red highlighting would’ve been impossible to miss or continue without spell-checking. As such, they had “chucks” of beef, both “Johnnie Walker” and “Jhonnie Walker”, as well as literally probably 30 other typos.

I chose the Milanese, or lightly fried steak sandwich. In a meat house, we knew Matt was going to have a rough time, and he opted for the salad and cheese/rice, which actually looked just like grits. Brobinson got the steak and cheese, or as I like to call it, “the poor man’s Milanese.” BP stepped out on this one, and flexed his gustatory muscles. He stepped up and ordered the Pique Macho, and macho it was. Chucks[sic] of beef, hot dogs (what?), tomatoes, and hot peppers, all arranged in a circle on the plate. I don’t even know what to say about this dish…you just read the description so you probably are thinking the same things I was. I have to give him credit, BP chose this dish on his own, it was not a blind “point at the menu and pick” type of deal. All in all, none of us could bring ourselves to pay Fogo de Chao prices in a Denny’s-like restaurant, so we may never know the true quality of Victor’s.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Matt

I left “Victor’s Grill II: The Churrascaria” (what it would be called if it were a movie sequel) with one thought weighing heavily on my mind – “How did I end up spending so much money on food like that? I can’t believe this has happened again.” Here’s the full list of what I ate at Victors: rice, cheese and salad. Now here’s the full price that I paid: $12. How/why is this possible?! Even my meat-eating cohorts suffered an inordinate blow to their pocketbooks at Victor’s, paying sizable amounts of money for food that didn’t quite measure up. Of course, I often get the feeling that we’re not ordering the best items on the menu at some of these places we visit and therefore are not experiencing the best of what they have to offer. But then again, at Victor’s, those “top notch” things cost $20, which is a lot of throw down if you don’t entirely trust the place from the very moment you walk in.

Victor’s II also seems to be scraping for any source of revenue that they can possibly muster up. For example, if you ordered more food than you can eat, you can have one to-go box for free, but any additional Styrofoam boxes will cost you 99 cents. At the register, they looked to be selling greeting cards and a few other knick knacks that might appeal to the occasional impulse buyer. Want a refill on that soft drink? Sure, as long as that means buying a whole new drink at full price. There was even a very ambiguous disclaimer written on the menu that said, “Prices may be changed without prior notice.” As in, after you receive the check? I guess their financial motto at Victor’s is “whatever it takes.” I’m just thankful our forks and spoons and the table we ate at were included with the cost of our meal.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Ambiance & Entertainment: Brian R.

The name Victor’s Grill was deceiving at best. What was by day a sparsely frequented restaurant turns popular dance club by night. Well, no I wasn’t there last Friday night, but judging from the disco ball and speakers on the wall it definitely has potential. I’m not saying you should cancel your weekend plans and expect to find Ricky Martin electrifying the dance floor, but the owner definitely did not skimp on TV’s or speakers. Nor is he looking to have any of those stolen, given they are being watched by six security cameras throughout the dining room.

Don’t let me raise your anticipation too much though. Just to wet your palette with a small example of Victor’s interior decorating efforts, our table was located perpendicular to a picture (see above) seemingly meant to be a 4x6, but transformed into a poster with stretched pixels of what most likely used to be a pig roasting on a fire with John Wayne looking on in the background. The bar, on the other hand, seemed like the only remnant of what used to be a five star restaurant. As for the rest? There wasn’t.

Potential for a romantic date? Not here.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Victor's Grill II

Overall Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Guest of Honor Review: David Garber

Victor's Grill, Roman Numeral 2, was among the most lackluster culinary experiences of my adult life. Imagine it with me: it's a "park in front" type of restaurant, which is never my first choice (something about the too-often characteristic charmlessness of worn out strip malls...), and is flanked by used car dealerships and a mega-graveyard. Inside is the church basement glare of fluorescent lights, two or three employees scurrying around the two (of thirty) occupied tables, and ivory-iridescent floral-theme wallpaper suited more for an unrenovated family dentistry lobby than anyplace I'd enthusiastically choose to eat. White floor, white walls, no less than 12 security cameras, and one lonely, silver (but glimmering with the metalic blink of every color in the South American meat-focused wall hangings) disco ball - a hint of the post-dinner crowd .. or is there one?

They didn't have plantains, which was pret-ty much the only thing I wanted, so I got yucca fries and a chicken and - surprise! - green olive pastry with what appeared to be a dash of red sharpy across it: demarking chicken as opposed to, say, beef or pork. Lick your lips appetizing.

In sum, dinner here was an experience worth having for this singular life lesson: trust your instincts - don't waste your time or your stuffed-in-jean-pockets greenbacks on the ol' Vic deux.

You could be the next Thurber Party of 4 Guest of Honor! Remember to enter the Guest of Honor Lottery at the bottom of this page for your chance to win.

This Week's Lottery Winner

Upon random selection from the names entered into the TP4 Guest of Honor Lottery, we are glad to announce THIS WEEK'S GUEST OF HONOR...

This week's lottery winner lesson: Apparently it pays to consistently enter your name in the lottery with some sort of sarcastic, no-way-i'll-ever-win type of nickname included - i.e. John "why do I even bother?" Doe ... or Joe "no chance of winning" Smith. This week's winner did this very thing for weeks, and his sardonic self-deprecation has finally proven to be a lucky charm.

Come back Friday for this week's full review.

SPECIAL NOTE from TP4 - We know we've been pretty spotty with our updates over the last few months. I guess even blogs need an extended summer break. But that inconsistency is a thing of the past. You can count on us, America! We won't let you down. Even in our absence, great things have been happening with TP4. And you'll just have to stick with us to find out what that entails. Thanks for reading.

** You could be the next Guest of Honor! We have reset the names for the lottery and you must enter your name again each week. To enter, scroll to the bottom of this page and look for the Guest of Honor section. No duplicate winners will be selected until everyone has had a turn. Remember - official Thurber Party of 4 "followers" will have their entries counted twice in the drawing!

Papa Joe's Pizza

View the entire Papa Joe's photo set with comments here.

Also, to see a map of Papa Joe's location, click here.

Location & Curb Appeal: Brian P.

You may recognize Papa Joe’s location from our previous visit to Bubba’s BBQ earlier in the summer. Located right next door to Bubba’s in a strip of stores and shops off Route 7, Papa Joe’s contains no more uniqueness than the rest of its peers. A plain, red fluorescent sign illuminates the storefront with a somewhat festive logo adorning the entranceway. Neon/LED “open” signs also fill the large windows. Two nice flat screens on opposite walls may serve to draw customers, and the bright red and yellow décor visible from the street would please any Redskins fan.

Externally, there is not much at Papa Joe’s to catch the potential patron’s eye, which is a shame. However, if you do happen to get a glimpse of this small establishment, you will notice a relatively steady stream of customers popping in to pick up a pizza or calzone. I feel no guilt in giving Papa Joe’s a low rating on curb appeal due to the fact it compensates by offering quality, reasonably priced fare. (It’s a bargain if you use the coupon we received in the mail!) Papa Joe spends his money on what counts: Food! The Thurber Party enjoyed our shared pizza that evening and we plan to return!

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Matt

Having spent the last several years in youth ministry, I have eaten more than my fair share of pizza. In particular, there is one brand of pizza that I have specialized in during this period of time - Papa John’s. I would venture to guess that I have consumed more than 300 pieces of Papa John’s pizza in the last four years. The sight, the smell and the taste of John’s mass-produced pizza creations will be forever engrained in my sense memory, for better and for worse.

Upon receiving the Papa Joe’s coupon at our doorstep, my initial impression was that this place was just trying to ride the coattails of a national pizza chain and hopefully garner a handful of accidental, confused customers who got mixed up in the Yellow Pages. Whether they’re rivals, relatives or just two pizza makers that happen to have very similar nicknames, I can say with certainty that Joe’s pizza is way better than John’s. This may not be saying much, but let me re-emphasize by saying that Papa Joe’s pizza is really, really good. All of our food was fresh, flavorful and plentiful. Our party shared an extra-large pizza with loads of vegetables and a tasty white sauce. They seem to make their own dough, and it pays off because it’s awesome. Three of us had salads that were also fresh and good. Really, the only knock against the food that I can even come up with is that their salad dressings are served in commercial-brand pouches – including the “house” dressing. Although we all drank water, they do have a decent selection of beverages at a great price, with discounts running all the way until 8pm. Joe’s is no joke. If you’re looking for a good pizza, go see the real Big Papa.

Rating: 3.5 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Brian R. (the new guy)

Being a new Thurb, new to the Falls Church area, the Thurber traditions and Papa Joe’s Pizza, I came with wide eyes and soaring expectations of what to expect. And what I found was none of what I had anticipated. I felt as if Papa Joe mistook me for the Prodigal Son. It seemed that his pigment differed quite a bit from my true father and he gave me no signet ring, but his warmness made me feel as if he actually had slain his prize goat to prepare our dinner.

Some may have said he was a little slow to leave his laptop in order to welcome us, but tending to Facebook friend requests carries a high importance also, so we were quick to forgive him. As he walked toward us, he boldly sported an oversized Tony Romo jersey and a warm smile that asked where had we been? After ordering and upon receiving our salads Brynnan confirmed that he was the actual Papa Joe. Not only was he Papa Joe, but he confidently added that he went by “Big Papa”. This must have been his street name, but he should not be confused with Biggie Smalls who similarly has been dubbed Big Papa in his popular song “I love it when You Call Me Big Papa”.

The service was constant and consistent, which may have been slightly correlated to us being his only dine-in guests. Regardless, the service was impeccable for the price we paid, which was only 12.99 for an XL pizza via a coupon. The rest of the menu was rather cheap and included everything from salads to submarines to pizzas for under $10. Beers started at 2.50 and stayed there until 8 when they went up to 3.50. Also notable was that not only did we receive our 10 slice XL pizza for 12.99 this time, but Big Papa extended the mercy of letting us keep our coupon and use it next time. And a next time there will definitely be.

Rating: 3.5 Thurbs

Ambiance & Entertainment: Brynnan Cox, Guest of Honor

I have to begin by saying how exciting it was to be this week's Chosen One. I seriously felt like I hit the actual jackpot--and Papa Joe's (and the Thurber Party of 4 company, of course) didn't disappoint. When you first walk in to Papa Joe's, it's hard to tell whether you've just walked into an old Mexican restaurant (bright and vibrant colors--a corona beer flag banner around the wall, etc.), or Redskin's Central. The particular shade of yellow and burgundy accents would suggest the latter. Interestingly enough, despite the fact that there were framed memorial images of Sean Taylor and other tributes to the much-loved DC team, Papa Joe was very adamant about the fact that he was a Cowboys fan (he was sporting his Tony Romo jersey).

While the service was great, the food was delicious, and Papa Joe was really quite a gem, strictly speaking of the topic at hand, I have to say that the ambiance wasn't exactly the greatest if you're looking for a nice quiet evening out or a romantic dinner for two. There was little sitting room for dining in and there were two televisions with quite the extreme levels of volume. It was hard to hear myself think at times, and definitely difficult to hear what my dinner company was saying. One nice aspect, though, is the light reading provided while you wait for your pizza to cook. On the counter were plenty of issues of Pizza Magazine Quarterly and a magazine all about German Shepherds...you could really pick up some random trivia and helpful tips from those two. In conclusion, if you're looking for a place to sit down and enjoy a quiet evening over pizza and beer, Papa Joe's may not be your best bet. But, if you're looking for some delicious pizza to take home or to a gathering (or you're a HUGE Redskins fan and want to be surrounded by your team colors), then it's just the place for you.

Rating: 2.5 Thurbs

Papa Joe's Pizza

Overall Rating: 2.75 Thurbs

Don't forget to enter your name in the Thurber Party of 4 Lottery found at the bottom of this page for your chance to be our next Guest of Honor! And remember - official blog "followers" are counted twice in the lottery drawing and are twice as likely be our lucky winner.

Miguel's

View the entire Miguel's photo set with comments here.

Location & Curb Appeal: Matt

This being Mark's final blog dinner as part of the TP4, we could have viewed it as a grand celebration of our time together and chosen a more lively, festive venue. But instead we just went to Miguel's. There is little about the outward appearance of Miguel's to attract attention or interest. The common passerby would probably not even realize there is a restaurant connected with the luxurious Best Western "Falls Church Inn" on Rt 50. All that distinguishes Miguel's from the hotel itself is a very innocuous awning with an old graffiti-like logo. So essentially, if you are not a guest at the Best Western, you would probably never know that Miguel's even exists. This, as they say in the restaurant biz, is "not a good thing."

(Side note: the Best Western/Miguel's combo is just across the street from our previous location, the Quality Inn/Bentley's hotel & restaurant combo. I like to imagine that there's some kind of vicious Falls Church hotel war going on between these two neighboring rivals, marked by corporate espionage, price fixing and customer ambushing. But, realistically, probably not. In fact, I think they may even be partners of some sort. How boring is that?)

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Mark

Let's face it. Miguel's was mediocre, and that is pretty much what we were expecting. The meal began with the traditional tomato soup -- sorry, I mean salsa and chips. Typically, you can practically see the hot grease on your freshly salted, hot out of the fryer tortilla chips. I think Miguel cooked up a big batch in the morning and then decided he would keep them warm for us all day. Yeah, they were pretty bad, but to my surprise, I kept eating them. Pure hunger, I suppose.

Tommy and I both had the chimichanga, and the first few bites started off actually pretty good. The later innings of our meal started to go down hill. Perhaps, the crisp shell turning soggy, bland flavoring, and too much salt had something to do with it. I'm not a food extraordinaire, but I'm pretty sure you want the meal to get better with every bite.

Rating: 2.5 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Brian

The Thurber household spied Miguel’s from across Route 50 just a week earlier when visiting the homage to old-folks eating, Bentley’s. Boasting Mexican/American cuisine, Miguel’s appeared to be a restaurant with a menu free of guesswork. We all expected similar outcomes in regards to cost as well. Aside from the quality of food presented, dishes were reasonably priced in the 8 to 15 dollar range for a variety of typical Mexican fare. However, Miguel’s slumped in the service department.

First, we entered a massive dining room and bar area to be greeted by no one. Then, from across the great expanse of tables, our hostess/waitress/bartender lumbered over at a snail’s pace. Whether due to personal injury or sloth we’ll never know. The lack of urgency displayed in seating the only patrons in the restaurant made a less-than-sterling first impression. Additionally, our slow-footed hostess decided to forego a number of nicer table locations, and proceeded to seat us next to a partition separating our party from the kitchen door.

Next, our meal arrived. I will admit the chef/cook did prepare our large portioned dishes in a timely fashion. Luckily, our food did not fall prey to our slow-footed waitress as the chef helped deliver them. I will give her credit for making phone calls in order to ascertain the ingredients of such mystery cocktails as the “Pecos Bill” or the “Nobody” that we tried to order. Alas, even these attempts were fruitless. Lastly, in an effort to cap off the evening in much the same manner it began, hostess/waitress took her sweet time in compiling our bill. This should be a relatively simple process that was arduously drawn out beyond necessity. Needless to say, her tip suffered accordingly. Miguel’s would benefit by excluding the Hispanic tradition of leisurely meals. It doesn’t translate well in the U.S.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Ambience & Entertainment: Tommy

If your idea of a fun evening is heading out to your local hotel and hanging out in the lobby, you’re the type of person who will love Miguel’s. To be fair, at least the hotel wasn’t too shabby (apparently it was the Best Western Hotel in the region). I couldn’t figure out who stood to gain from the partnership between these two businesses. Either the hotel lost a bet when picking their adjoining restaurant or the restaurant couldn’t find any standalone structure.

Interior décor is what I like to call “Southwestern Applebee’s” (sorry Applebee’s), but they looked like they had taking the fake stained-glass lamps and then threw in the occasional Incan idol or parrot (you know, like the parrots they have in…Mexico??). It was clean, and I felt like it was on the cusp of greatness, if only the location, food, and service weren’t holding it back. The bar was mostly for show, as nobody knew how to make any drinks (more on that in another section) and in actuality, there was no discernible “entertainment” per se, save the Better Western’s pool, which I don’t think we can include since you can’t use it for at least 30 minutes after you eat. I know we’ve set the bar high, but when your biggest “draw” is Univision on blast from the flat screen tv next to our table, there’s still something to be desired, and that something is anything…just get ANYTHING.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Miguel's

Overall Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

And now, a final word from Mark:

Alas, this is my final blog posting as a Thurberian. And while the food, often times, has been bland and uninspiring, the experience has been anything but. It has been fun. It has been real. And now, picture me doing the Sammy Sosa routine where I rapidly pump a peace sign between my chest and my mouth, followed by the anticipated arm held high, spreading peace across the land. Now, the camera gets over exposed and zooms out and pans over the field. Bowman out.

Stay tuned for the addition of a new member to the Thurber Party coming very soon! And don't forget to enter the Guest of Honor lottery (scroll to the bottom of this page) for your chance to join the party.

Bentley's

View the entire Bentley's photostream with comments here.

Also, to see a map of Bentley's location click here. Sorry, no website this time. That's just for teenagers and youngins'.

Curb Appeal & Location: Mark

I’m getting married in 17 days!!!!! Oh, and Bentley’s is located in a hotel off Rt. 50 that may or may not still be open for business. It’s hard to tell. Thanks folks!

(Note: this post was not actually written by Mark)

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Brian

I know you’re wondering, dear readers, if the sensitive, fickle palates of the Thurber household were diminished during our long, summer hiatus. Never fear - with our recent trip to Bentley’s, the long hibernation of our cynical taste buds came to an abrupt end with the familiar taste of mediocrity. Yep, I come out swinging.

Out of any other restaurant we’ve visited, no other says “I’m old and set in my ways” more than Bentley’s. Don’t get me wrong the food wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t stellar. Imagine a menu that represents every aspect of typical Americana (a la Shoney’s minus the buffet.) We sampled a fair portion of the gems Bentley’s had to offer. After much deliberation, I tried the Chicken Florentine, Matt had Pasta Primavera, Tommy the Fried Chicken, Mark a scant plate of Chicken Fingers (on a diet for the wedding), and Laurie chose the Country Fried Steak in spite of being from New Jersey. We all drank water. As mentioned previously, I would venture to say our party was certainly full after our entrees, but certainly not overly satisfied nor impressed. I can speak for Matt and I by saying the “cream sauce” tasted like the remnants of condensed New England clam chowder mixed with water. Also, Laurie was miffed at Bentley’s refusal to properly identify corn and potatoes as starches.

Lastly, in a rare Thurber Party occurrence, all five of us ordered dessert from the old school pie case. Tommy and I had apple pie, Mark and Laurie had the carrot cake, and Matt savored the lemon cake. We all agreed we saved the best for last. As our evening winded down, we all agreed Bentley’s was a place we never visited before, yet the fare was absolutely too familiar. Come to expect this when you visit a restaurant with 70s green decor, attached to a motel, and whispers of retirement and health problems fill the dining room air.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Service & Cost: Tommy

When I walked through the door beneath the green and white, 70’s-era awning outside Bentley’s, I thought to myself, “I’ve been here before, except it was called Marie Callendar’s.” We lamented the fact that we got there around 6:45 (early for a Thurber blog dinner) and completely missed the presumed 4pm early bird rush. The woman who tended to our table didn’t seem to know what to make of this group of 20-somethings breaking up the usual crowd of retirees. I can only assume that the workers here are accustomed to the patrons having some form of deteriorated hearing, because they talked loud enough to disturb anyone but the hearing impaired.

“Julie!! BRING IT!!” bellowed our server from the back, for an item that we couldn’t see. Julie apparently brought it, because we didn’t hear any more about it, but after about a 20-minute wait for our food, I wanted to see if I could yell the same thing and get Julie to bring our meals. Mark got hearty congratulations from the waitress for finishing his chicken tenders, with the sort of feigned enthusiasm usually reserved for a 4 year old who has just finished his or her broccoli. I was slightly worried that I wasn’t going to be allowed to eat a slice of pie because I didn’t finish all of my corn, but to my surprise, my request for dessert met no (verbally expressed) resistance. Overall, the cost of the meal was right at average, a fact explicitly stated by Bentley’s exterior sign. If you enjoy getting a taste of the respect given to The Greatest Generation, stop by Bentley’s, where you can get your dinner, dessert, and still be home in time to watch Matlock.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Ambiance & Entertainment: Matt

The sign out front says “Celebrating 27 Years of Service,” but it very well could have said “Celebrating 27 Years with the Same Furniture and Unusual Decorating Scheme!.” Even before arriving, we had been informed that Bentley’s generally caters to an older crowd (i.e. retirement age). This fact would prove to be obvious on a number of levels throughout our visit. First there is the aforementioned furniture and décor. Bentley’s interior combines a unique mixture of old-fashioned diner sensibilities (countertop bar seating, murky glass dessert case, paper placemats, seafoam green seat cushions that you would normally expect to be covered in plastic) with outlandish aristocratic/equestrian-themed accessories. The entire restaurant – seriously, the entire place - is covered with wallpaper that depicts various fox hunting scenes. Statues of sporting dogs and horses are displayed in the windows. Equestrian gear, such as stirrups and riding helmets, are hung on the walls. Whose idea was this? How does this make sense? As far as I can guess, the only common denominator in this design scheme is that it’s all stuff that old people might like.

The second feature that makes it obvious that Bentley’s attracts old folks is the types of conversation that could be heard around the dining room - mostly stuff about retirement plans, the latest grandkid news and the weather (most of that is true). There was also a general quietness and slowness around the restaurant that reminded me of vacations spent around my grandparents’ house. I can almost hear my parents reminding me, “It’s just a different pace of life.” The third, final and most obvious feature that makes it clear that Bentley’s is for old timers is the fact that we were 30-40 years younger than every other person eating in the restaurant. And just how I always somehow enjoyed visiting my grandparents even though it wasn’t exactly what I would call “fun,” somehow I also enjoyed this visit to Bentley’s even though it wasn’t exactly what I would call “good.”

Rating: 2.5 Thurbs

Guest of Honor Review: Laurie Westock

There are many things that can swiftly bring back memories of home; hugging someone who smells the way mom did as she read a bed-time story, big coniferous trees that arouse memories of adventures had under the "giant" pines in the backyard, or a man's Old Spice cologne that suddenly retrieves the forgotten sound of how Pop Pop said "Hel-looo!" while giving you a wonderfully stifling embrace.

Bentley's was another one of those places that flooded my senses, bringing back memories of youthful days spent in... New Jersey. That's right! For a couple of glorious hours on Monday night, dinner with the Thurber boys transported me back to my beloved home state. From the classic diner decor--highly outdated but with the usual quirky theme, to the staff who seemed to have nothing to lose and plenty of time, to senior citizen conversations about retirement, this place was the epitome of the "just-off-of-the-highway-diner." Although it was nice to have a glimpse of home, I was glad to be stepping back into northern Virgina when we left the restaurant. With a whiff of fresh air, I could still smell the country fried steak on my clothes...and maybe Tommy's fried chicken, too. I'll have to wash that shirt twice :-)

PS-The carrott cake was amazing.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Bentley's

Overall Rating: 1.8 Thurbs

Bubba's Bar-B-Q

Note: TP4 apologizes for the long delay since our last review and update. Even blogs have to take a summer vacation. Thanks for reading!

View the entire Bubba's Bar-B-Q photostream with comments here.

Also check out the Bubba's website - it's priceless!

Location/Curb Appeal: Brian

The large, red letters of Bubba’s BBQ shine like a beacon of southern hospitality just off Lee Highway near Fairview Park Road. Although tucked in the corner of a strip of other Falls Church eateries and the austere “7 Market”, the sign is clearly visible, but does little to entice the eye. The panache of Bubba’s website makes up for the rather ordinary exterior should you venture that far in your research. Be prepared for a barrage of swine imagery depicting every aspect of Americana. Pigs on the space shuttle? Who knew? I do believe Bubba’s curb appeal would be something to write home about should it be located in a standalone building and free of the constraints of strip mall uniformity. However, this was not the case and as the restaurant is located off a frontage road, you may drive past it on your first trip. Be vigilant.

Dear Readers, don’t be fooled by the typicality of Bubba’s storefront or location. The website, interior, and catering van out front do justice to a Falls Church establishment priding itself on good food and friendly service. If you have a hankering for BBQ or just want to see an absurd amount of pig paraphernalia, be sure to make a stop. Bubba’s BBQ is no pig in a poke.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Tommy

Note: Tommy did not submit a review this week, but this is what the editor imagines he might have said about Bubba’s.

Bar-B-Q! I’m from North Carolina, so that means I am extremely opinionated about Bar-B-Q. And Bubba’s does a good job with it. We ate BBQ pork and chicken sandwiches that came with standard sides like fries, cole slaw and hush puppies. Someone ate a hamburger, which seems pretty ridiculous in a Bar-B-Q restaurant – but live and let live.

Rating: 2.5 Thurbs

Service/Cost: Guest of Honor Kelsey Downs

As I sit down to write this I'm finding it a little hard not to explain to you the plethora of pigs that were living in this restaurant. No, not live pigs but just the creepy kind you would find in your dead relatives house. Even a pig with largest eyebrows you have ever seen...But alas, I will push past this to relay to you my stance on the service and cost. The service was top notch as we were greeted by a cheerful man with a nice accent and a slew of one-liners that he constantly threw out throughout our time there. He even managed to give us tips on ordering by alerting us that the prices were not just in his head but also on the menu so we needn't waste our questions on him. The cost wasn't bad either. The guys seemed to be rather delighted with the $4.95 pitcher of beer and the $5/6/7ish meals weren't too bad as well. Taken from a college kid who's used to being frugal, I'd say all around it wasn't a bad deal at all.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Ambiance/Entertainment: Mark

In the words of our comrade Matt Warren, "Whoa! Pigs galore.” Imagine the middle aged single women who is obsessed with Beanie Babies, and swap out the Beanies for Weanies(almost clever). There were hundreds of pigs scattered through out the store. The dead ones were already being cooked, but I am referring to the figurines and stuffed pigs scattered throughout the place. If I remember correctly, there was even a trophy case with, what one can only assume, the valuable pigs. The familiar yellow-once was white-color scheme could be noticed throughout the restaurant, but nothing was inherently dirty. Some things just looked like they may never come clean. The menu above the counter was the black felt kind with the plastic white/yellow letters that was supplied by Pepsi back in the '90's. No frills, but a lot of pigs. It seemed to be a bit of an over compensation complex. I'd say, based on the accent of the guy running the show, he didn't grow up on Southern BBQ or Sweet Tea. Nonetheless, it kinda felt like you went back in time--I mean, went south a few states. Like many of our dinners, we were 4 of 8 customers for the duration of our dinner.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Bubba's Bar-B-Q

Overall Rating: 2 Thurbs

Majestic Seafood

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Location/Curb Appeal: Tommy

To give the reader a little background on this trip, we knew that this wasn't going to be your standard, American restaurant. Upon calling to inquire about the hours for the restaurant, the woman answering the phone was unable to understand what I was asking ("How late are you open?") or responding. She handed me off to the person who tells English-speakers the general information for the establishment and we were off on our journey (it's open till 2am, for those of you who want to get there for the late bird specials).

For the trick to getting people to come to the restaurant/crab house, Majestic takes a page out of the playbook of Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Tunica. The brightest neon on Annandale strip, coupled with some out-of-the-ordinary sights for a seafood restaurant (neon-lit palm trees?), and you've got all of the ingredients for the best night club that West Falls Church has to offer. We had seen this spectacle many times before, and even got an up-close and personal look at it during our previous trip to La Granja de Oro (see past blog post), but like the saying goes, “almost only counts in horseshoes and incomplete tasks.” We parked in a prime spot, given that 5 out of 7 of the front spots were designated for the handicapped. The cops don't start policing the joint until about 10pm, so if you want to bring the whole family, I'd suggest you get there by NEVER o'clock. This place is easy to find and if you’re curious to see the inside of what looks like a Las Vegas warehouse…you’ll probably make the same mistake decision we did and head on inside.

Rating: 3 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Matt

Maybe it was all the Starbursts I ate a few hours before our dinner. Maybe it was the fact that we didn’t actually begin eating until about 9:15pm en la noche. Maybe it was all the chips that I snacked on before our orders were served (along with two types of salsa – one which was clearly Pace Picante straight out of the jar and the other which was clearly Tapatio hot sauce also straight out of the bottle). Maybe it was frustration over yet another restaurant with a complete lack of meatless options. In any case, I was not digging the food at Majestic.

Due to its vegetarian-unfriendliness, I resorted to ordering the “Ceviche Mixto,” a seafood dish with a mixto of shrimp, calamari, some kind of fish and (yikes) baby octopus. Eating something like this is a reach in itself for me, and my distaste for the food was intensified by the fact that everything felt and tasted like I was eating rubber. Incidentally, the ceviche was served with a huge piece of corn that was probably the strangest and grossest corn I have ever eaten. The reactions of my fellow diners ranged from mutual dissatisfaction to “It was alright.” Brian ordered some sort of fried chicken with fried eggs and French fries (a lot of fried stuff) that he quickly regretted. Tommy continued his tradition of ordering nachos any time they are available and found himself in the “It was alright” category. Kristin ordered fish, which she gave a similar rating. Mark was the lone happy diner with his “Lomo Saltado” (beef with vegetables – same as Brian ordered weeks ago at the neighboring La Granja de Oro). In an attempt to sabotage his pleasant meal, I stashed the head of one of my baby octopus in with his beef, but he did not seem phased by that rubbery addition. There may be good reasons to visit Majestic, but the food is most certainly not one of them.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Service/Cost: Mark

After corralling my plunder from the Depot for Homes, I darted over to the Majestic. For those of you still reading, you have no idea how hard it is to limit my review to just service and cost. Wow, this was a good night. I had no idea what I was in for. I really thought this was a family owned seafood restaurant, but to my suprise, our waitress didn't have a the tacky floral shirt, khaki shorts, and white keds. Rather, a Hooters® waitress from south of the border was tending to our party. I wasn't witness to our original waitress or to the person who eventually took our orders, so I can't really comment. According to the other thurbs, the original waitress was quickly swapped out due to a language barrier. The service throughout the evening comprised of the waitress asking us if we wanted refills(this was mainly done via pointing).

The price was on the steep side for the quanity/quality of food-not your traditional large plate mexican restaurant. Likewise, I never saw the prices for any of the entrees. I do know that I gave Tommy $15 dollars before I jetted for the evening, and I it was worth every penny.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Click below to check out an example of the Hispanic jams we were listening to:

Ambience & Entertainment: Brian

Where to begin!? Now that the reggaeton beat is engrained in your head, it is time to recount the sheer amazement that was Majestic. Living up to the its namesake, picture a dance floor that takes up the majority of the dining room. Red leather sofas and chairs line the side opposite the DJ’s station, and overhead, a rack of disco balls, laser lights, and smoke machines crowd the ceiling welcoming the night’s guests. Majestic’s atmosphere didn’t end there. Every corner of the establishment was filled with some aspect designed to entice or entertain. From the VIP bar nearest our table, to the corner bar, to the main bar, to the numerous flat screens displaying telenovelas on Univision, Majestic’s interior left no eye uncaught.

Although the restaurant was virtually empty upon our arrival, we soon discovered that Majestic became increasingly entertaining as the evening progressed. Towards the end of our meal, the aforementioned laser lights and smoke machines were brought to life as Latin grooves and hip hop beats filled the air. The cages on either side of the DJ’s booth left little to be imagined as to their use. Heavyset bouncers arrived and began screening potential customers. Amidst all of these attractions, the five of us enjoyed dancing at our table, eyeing the incoming patrons, and wondering just what would unfold could we stay a bit longer on this Monday summer night. Even if you never taste the food at Majestic, let the lighted palm trees along Annandale Road draw you inside for a closer look and don’t let the bouncers scare you off.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 2.375

Guest of Honor Review: Kristin Neal

Well, I had just about given up on these boys. Tommy, Matt, Brian, and Mark – the Thurbster Crew, as I like to call them. After all my sassy comments about the lottery for the past 15 weeks, I had sort of gotten over the whole thing. So when I got that text I’d be waiting for all summer, “YOU WON!!” I thought, “That’s cool, I guess.” Little did I know that the good Lord had a plan for me that would surpass all my expectations. Has anyone ever heard me talk about how I think I was actually supposed to be Latina but somehow came out as a redhead instead? Give me a little reggaeton or salsa beat and my day is made. And so, I knew it was going to be a fabulous evening when we stepped into Majestic and seemed to interrupt a steamy rumba lesson on the dance floor. So this is where all the fun has been hiding in Falls Church… lazer lights, VIP bars, amoeba/jellyfish floating around the walls (hard to explain), Cadillac Margaritas, glowing palm trees, heart-palpitating music, and not one ounce of English on the menu? Sounds like a vacation to me! I can’t decide what I liked best – the hot pink and black bra our waitress was wearing underneath her sheer white shirt or the little shimmy I was able to sneak in while crossing the dance floor on my way to the bathroom. Whoever said white girls can’t dance has never invited Kristin Neal to Majestic. Thanks Thurbster for the best night my summer has seen yet.

Remember to enter the lottery for the upcoming week! You've got to play to win...but sometimes, you have to win to play.