Majestic Seafood

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Location/Curb Appeal: Tommy

To give the reader a little background on this trip, we knew that this wasn't going to be your standard, American restaurant. Upon calling to inquire about the hours for the restaurant, the woman answering the phone was unable to understand what I was asking ("How late are you open?") or responding. She handed me off to the person who tells English-speakers the general information for the establishment and we were off on our journey (it's open till 2am, for those of you who want to get there for the late bird specials).

For the trick to getting people to come to the restaurant/crab house, Majestic takes a page out of the playbook of Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Tunica. The brightest neon on Annandale strip, coupled with some out-of-the-ordinary sights for a seafood restaurant (neon-lit palm trees?), and you've got all of the ingredients for the best night club that West Falls Church has to offer. We had seen this spectacle many times before, and even got an up-close and personal look at it during our previous trip to La Granja de Oro (see past blog post), but like the saying goes, “almost only counts in horseshoes and incomplete tasks.” We parked in a prime spot, given that 5 out of 7 of the front spots were designated for the handicapped. The cops don't start policing the joint until about 10pm, so if you want to bring the whole family, I'd suggest you get there by NEVER o'clock. This place is easy to find and if you’re curious to see the inside of what looks like a Las Vegas warehouse…you’ll probably make the same mistake decision we did and head on inside.

Rating: 3 Thurbs

Food & Beverage: Matt

Maybe it was all the Starbursts I ate a few hours before our dinner. Maybe it was the fact that we didn’t actually begin eating until about 9:15pm en la noche. Maybe it was all the chips that I snacked on before our orders were served (along with two types of salsa – one which was clearly Pace Picante straight out of the jar and the other which was clearly Tapatio hot sauce also straight out of the bottle). Maybe it was frustration over yet another restaurant with a complete lack of meatless options. In any case, I was not digging the food at Majestic.

Due to its vegetarian-unfriendliness, I resorted to ordering the “Ceviche Mixto,” a seafood dish with a mixto of shrimp, calamari, some kind of fish and (yikes) baby octopus. Eating something like this is a reach in itself for me, and my distaste for the food was intensified by the fact that everything felt and tasted like I was eating rubber. Incidentally, the ceviche was served with a huge piece of corn that was probably the strangest and grossest corn I have ever eaten. The reactions of my fellow diners ranged from mutual dissatisfaction to “It was alright.” Brian ordered some sort of fried chicken with fried eggs and French fries (a lot of fried stuff) that he quickly regretted. Tommy continued his tradition of ordering nachos any time they are available and found himself in the “It was alright” category. Kristin ordered fish, which she gave a similar rating. Mark was the lone happy diner with his “Lomo Saltado” (beef with vegetables – same as Brian ordered weeks ago at the neighboring La Granja de Oro). In an attempt to sabotage his pleasant meal, I stashed the head of one of my baby octopus in with his beef, but he did not seem phased by that rubbery addition. There may be good reasons to visit Majestic, but the food is most certainly not one of them.

Rating: 1 Thurb

Service/Cost: Mark

After corralling my plunder from the Depot for Homes, I darted over to the Majestic. For those of you still reading, you have no idea how hard it is to limit my review to just service and cost. Wow, this was a good night. I had no idea what I was in for. I really thought this was a family owned seafood restaurant, but to my suprise, our waitress didn't have a the tacky floral shirt, khaki shorts, and white keds. Rather, a Hooters® waitress from south of the border was tending to our party. I wasn't witness to our original waitress or to the person who eventually took our orders, so I can't really comment. According to the other thurbs, the original waitress was quickly swapped out due to a language barrier. The service throughout the evening comprised of the waitress asking us if we wanted refills(this was mainly done via pointing).

The price was on the steep side for the quanity/quality of food-not your traditional large plate mexican restaurant. Likewise, I never saw the prices for any of the entrees. I do know that I gave Tommy $15 dollars before I jetted for the evening, and I it was worth every penny.

Rating: 1.5 Thurbs

Click below to check out an example of the Hispanic jams we were listening to:

Ambience & Entertainment: Brian

Where to begin!? Now that the reggaeton beat is engrained in your head, it is time to recount the sheer amazement that was Majestic. Living up to the its namesake, picture a dance floor that takes up the majority of the dining room. Red leather sofas and chairs line the side opposite the DJ’s station, and overhead, a rack of disco balls, laser lights, and smoke machines crowd the ceiling welcoming the night’s guests. Majestic’s atmosphere didn’t end there. Every corner of the establishment was filled with some aspect designed to entice or entertain. From the VIP bar nearest our table, to the corner bar, to the main bar, to the numerous flat screens displaying telenovelas on Univision, Majestic’s interior left no eye uncaught.

Although the restaurant was virtually empty upon our arrival, we soon discovered that Majestic became increasingly entertaining as the evening progressed. Towards the end of our meal, the aforementioned laser lights and smoke machines were brought to life as Latin grooves and hip hop beats filled the air. The cages on either side of the DJ’s booth left little to be imagined as to their use. Heavyset bouncers arrived and began screening potential customers. Amidst all of these attractions, the five of us enjoyed dancing at our table, eyeing the incoming patrons, and wondering just what would unfold could we stay a bit longer on this Monday summer night. Even if you never taste the food at Majestic, let the lighted palm trees along Annandale Road draw you inside for a closer look and don’t let the bouncers scare you off.

Rating: 4 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 2.375

Guest of Honor Review: Kristin Neal

Well, I had just about given up on these boys. Tommy, Matt, Brian, and Mark – the Thurbster Crew, as I like to call them. After all my sassy comments about the lottery for the past 15 weeks, I had sort of gotten over the whole thing. So when I got that text I’d be waiting for all summer, “YOU WON!!” I thought, “That’s cool, I guess.” Little did I know that the good Lord had a plan for me that would surpass all my expectations. Has anyone ever heard me talk about how I think I was actually supposed to be Latina but somehow came out as a redhead instead? Give me a little reggaeton or salsa beat and my day is made. And so, I knew it was going to be a fabulous evening when we stepped into Majestic and seemed to interrupt a steamy rumba lesson on the dance floor. So this is where all the fun has been hiding in Falls Church… lazer lights, VIP bars, amoeba/jellyfish floating around the walls (hard to explain), Cadillac Margaritas, glowing palm trees, heart-palpitating music, and not one ounce of English on the menu? Sounds like a vacation to me! I can’t decide what I liked best – the hot pink and black bra our waitress was wearing underneath her sheer white shirt or the little shimmy I was able to sneak in while crossing the dance floor on my way to the bathroom. Whoever said white girls can’t dance has never invited Kristin Neal to Majestic. Thanks Thurbster for the best night my summer has seen yet.

Remember to enter the lottery for the upcoming week! You've got to play to win...but sometimes, you have to win to play.