Fortune

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Obscurity/Location/Curb Appeal: Mark

Seven Corners really does "Have It All", as heralded by the streetlight banners. Where else can you shop for lumber, fabric, and lobster all within the throw of fortune cookie. The lonesome brick facade extends a cold shoulder to the nearby Hwy 50, and the standalone structure, capped by gleaming red letters, felt like it had a few tricks up its sleeve. Walking towards the door, there is a reassurance in the belief that fortunes really can come true.

Fortune appeared to be feeling the strain of the economy this weary Monday night. The neon "Carry" sign was standing post in the window to reluctantly give "out" the night off. The foyer was arched with red and blue alternating giant Christmas bulbs, which served primarily as a night light for the 300 gallon lobster/crab tank. One of the lobsters asked Tommy to rub its belly.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Food/Beverage: Brian

Noticeably absent were the Chinese calendar placemats and plastic covered chairs of similar establishments, but the ensuing meal proved a delicious taste of the Far East Falls Church. As our group began to peruse a menu that rivaled the length of the Great Wall, we were delighted to find over 200 Chinese dishes ranging from boneless duck feet with green peppers and black bean sauce, to goat casserole and eternal life noodles. Free hot tea was promptly served followed by delicate, crispy spring rolls as appetizers. Initially, we struggled in making our entrée choices due to the vast array before us. I settled on Kung Pao Beef, Tommy had the Peking Duck, Matt enjoyed Eggplant with XO sauce with Hot n’ Sour soup, Emily had Orange Chicken, and Mark ate General Tsao’s Chicken. All patrons enjoyed their meals; however Matt and I noticed the sauce covering our two dishes lacked flavor. Presentation was nice and portions were large. Fortune is a must visit in the Seven Corners area. Let’s just say we put that food away like political prisoners.

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for……dessert. Best of all, we enjoyed the free kind of dessert that covers the check at Chinese restaurants spanning the globe. According to our waitress, Fortune Cookies were invented in ancient China alongside fireworks, terra cotta statues, and Karate. After a satisfying meal, the Thurber party was anxious to discover our Fortune fortunes. However these tiny, prophetic messages managed to find their way into our hands, it was not by mistake. Please gaze into our futures:

Matt’s Fortune: "Friends long absent are coming back to you."

Brian’s Fortune: "Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and soul devout."

Emily’s Fortune: "Friends long absent are coming back to you."

Mark’s Fortune: "You have a friendly heart and are well admired."

Tommy’s Fortune (I kid you not): "You could prosper in the field of medical research."

Rating: 3 Thurbs

Service/Cost: Tommy

When you walk in the door to the Fortune Chinese restaurant, the first thing you may notice is that you’re not quite there yet. It’s not the usual scene where you have an open entryway where a greeter/host welcomes you and asks how many you have in your party. Instead, you face a second closed door through which I saw the greeter peering at us through curtains, undoubtedly wondering whether we were there to eat or just play with the lobsters…the answer clearly is, “can’t it be both?”

Once seated, the waitress addressed the table, asking us, “Appetizer?” before mumbling something else that wasn’t quite English. While somewhat hard to understand, she more than made up for her inability to communicate in our native tongue by trying to teach us how to order our menu items in hers. And while none of us are thinking about pursuing fluency in Mandarin, our feeble attempt at least brought a laugh to her.

When William Shakespeare spoke about suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, he was definitely not referring to this Fortune (thank you 11th grade English). Fortune actually had a good number of employees, but most were diligently working on plans for an upcoming wedding reception that was to be hosted in the “banquet section” of the restaurant. I am a little bit sad that we didn’t come on that night because I’m sure they would’ve had one of those dragons where everyone gets to get inside and then snake around the restaurant while other people light fireworks and gamble, or maybe that’s just what I think would happen because I saw it in Rush Hour. When the receipts came back, they were neatly folded, almost origami-like, with individual pens clipped to each. In my book, anything that prevents the whole “can I borrow that pen when you’re done/which receipt is mine?/you have my credit card, sir” fiasco is a great way to end a very good meal.

Rating: 3.5 Thurbs

Ambience/Entertainment: Matt

Your first steps inside Fortune feel like you accidentally wandered into their garage, with a ladder and storage crates stashed over in the corner, a stack of newspapers piled next to the door and a giant tank filled with lobsters and crabs. Also floating mysteriously in the tank with these sea creatures were about six two-liter bottles of Sierra Mist. I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on there.

Once you enter the dining room, the scene changes drastically. The inside of Fortune is what your grandmother’s house would look like if she was Chinese (and maybe she is Chinese, I don't know who you are). The walls are painted a soothing shade of lavender – even the bathroom walls. Gaudy silk flowers are strewn everywhere – even at the entrance to the bathroom. (This may be due to the fact that they were preparing for a wedding reception coming up soon, but I hope not. The grand floral archway at the entrance to the bathroom made me really happy.) Traditional/stereotypical Chinese decorations are also on display throughout the expansive dining room, including the obligatory Buddha statues, large golden dragons and Chinese characters.

Fortune’s most stunning decorative feature is the variety of large colorful paintings hung from the walls. One print portrays some nice swimming koi fish. Another depicts an inspirational scene of sailboats, bamboo trees and a golden sunset. Brian astutely noted that the creator of that painting must be the Chinese equivalent of Thomas Kinkade. My favorite print, however, captures a majestic herd of wild horses galloping out of the ocean with a rugged purple sky behind them. For some reason it reminded me of the apocalypse. Or a Bob Seger album cover. Either way, I loved it and want to put up in my own bedroom.

Throughout our visit, the dining room was starkly quiet, which somehow fit perfectly with the rest of our Fortune experience. Entertainment was sparse. No music. Very few other people around. Just two TV’s showing “Deal or No Deal” on MUTE. And no one really seemed to be watching. Sorry Howie Mandel, we’ve got all the entertainment we need at the table right in front us.

Rating: 2 Thurbs

Overall Rating: 2.625 Thurbs

Guest of Honor Review: Emily Courtney
I must start off by saying what a fun time I had! Thanks guys for such a spontaneous and lively evening. Everyone should be so lucky as to win the lottery. So upon my arrival to the Thurber residence, the boys had not fully decided on a restaurant. Which of course was fine with me, because anywhere would have been a great surprise and a real adventure. They decided on Fortune. Overall, I would give the restaurant a better than average review. While we were the only guests dining in the entire establishment, the food and service still delivered. While there was a lack of real décor or ambience, I thought the spring roll and my orange chicken was worth the trip. Our waitress, dressed to the 9s, gave us a mini language lesson as we attempted to pronounce our meals in broken Chinese. My food was equal parts spicy and sweet, and I was grateful for the FREE hot tea that cooled off my tongue after I bit into half a dried chili pepper. Lastly, we all choose our fortune cookies carefully, and Matt W and I drew the same cookie! I know, how fortuitous! To break the tie we pulled a new fortune cookie apart (wishbone style). Matt was declared the winner, but I went home with a full tummy and a good time.